A mother of three has told advice columnist Coleen Nolan that her husband's constant absence from home is leaving her feeling like a single parent. The woman, who has children aged between two and six, says her husband runs his own business and is 'always at work and never at home'.
No balance despite established business
She explains that she was patient while the business was being set up, understanding it was 'make or break', but now the business is established and doing well, yet he is still at work every hour of the day. She says she complains a lot because she is 'knackered all the time' running after the kids and would love to go back to work 'for a rest'.
His response is always a variation of 'the buck stops with me', 'people rely on me', 'I have to be there' and 'I'm doing it for us'. While she acknowledges these things are true, she argues there is no balance and that they never see him. She feels she is doing everything at home and 'may as well be a single parent at this rate'.
No help from family
The mum also says her parents live too far away to help, and her mother-in-law's health isn't good enough to cope with the children, so she never gets a break. She asks for suggestions on how to get through to her husband.
Advice: suggest a schedule and delegate
In response, Coleen says that while he may be 'scoring top marks at being a great team member at work, he's failing at home'. She advises that it needs to be a joint effort, or the mum will end up feeling like an 'unpaid babysitter'. She suggests that instead of complaining, the mum could propose a loose schedule for him to be more involved at home, with 'wiggle room' for work emergencies.
Coleen also suggests he could switch off his phone when at home and delegate more to his next-in-command at work. She warns that being absent so often could damage the family and couple, and that he might regret missing out in years to come. She also recommends finding a good babysitter and having nights out, noting that it gets easier as the children get older.
