A father in Utah is being praised for having a frank discussion with his young sons about consent. Content creator Alan Gilliam, who has more than 79,000 followers on his family-focused TikTok account, shared a video on September 29 in which he asks his sons, aged nine and 11, a series of questions about the importance of consent.
While this may not be a new conversation, in the wake of the horrific allegations detailed in the Cornell 7 rape case, the public are once again faced with a number of harsh truths – many of which may have parents uneasy about the world their children are growing up in. In Alan's video, he asks his sons questions like: 'If you want to hug a young lady, and she says no — what do you do?'
What is the Cornell 7 case?
In October 2024, an anonymous former student at Cornell University in the US was allegedly drugged and gang raped by a group of seven fraternity members. The Jane Doe reported the incident to Cornell University Police on November 8, 2024. Following an investigation and a series of consultation meetings, two students were expelled, while others faced sanctions including suspensions, disciplinary probation and writing reflection papers.
On September 16, 2026, Jane Doe filed a civil lawsuit against the university, the fraternity chapter, and the seven accused perpetrators. Recently, a screenshot of a Snapchat group chat between 57 members, which was included in the lawsuit, showed one fraternity member saying there was 'free pussy' available upstairs. The fact that as many as 50 men may have been aware of this brutal attack, with many choosing to do nothing, has been deeply sobering for the public.
A difficult, yet necessary, conversation
In the past 10 days, over 8.3 million people have watched Alan's video. Sat on what appears to be their front porch, the conversation Alan has with his kids feels authentic. He's not sugar-coating his questions, but he's also tailoring them in such a way that it remains age appropriate.
To his first question, regarding an unwanted hug, Alan's 11-year-old replies: 'Take “no” for an answer. Don't keep pushing and pushing her – move on.' Both kids are also asked what they would do if they were in a group chat with 'a bunch of other guys who said they wanted to do something wrong to a young lady and nobody said anything?'
Alan's youngest immediately jumps in with 'tell them to stop right now', while his older brother adds 'tell someone of higher authority and maybe someone with higher power who can stop what they are doing.' One of the most impactful moments in the video comes shortly after this, where Alan directly references hints at the Cornell 7 case. While he doesn't address the men accused directly, he argues that if 'an 11-year-old and a nine-year old know what to do in a situation like this', there's really no excuse for grown men, all of whom were ambitious and intelligent individuals in Ivy League education, not to know better.
Over 24,000 people left comments on Alan's video. @LisaAnne wrote: 'This is how you illustrate “not all men” rather than yelling it and doing nothing. Thank you.' @Stormiecahill adds: 'Thank you! Single mom here and I wasn't sure how to talk about this stuff with my son on an age-appropriate level but you just taught me!'
'I think it's important to emphasise – it is not “just a group chat.” It's sometimes your best friend who you never thought was capable of it. A brother, a cousin, someone you're close to. They need to know that loyalty is not unconditional if you are hurting other people,' @AlyssaRae also notes.
I hope this gives parents the confidence to try it themselves
Kate Parker is the founder of the Schools Consent Project, a UK organisation, led by legally qualified volunteers, that delivers sexual education workshops to pupils aged 11 to 18 – encouraging discussions on harassment, revenge porn and sexting. Unsurprisingly, Kate had watched Alan's video already, and was incredibly happy to see it resonating with so many other parents.
'I think what really struck me was how easy, natural, and accessible the conversation was. It didn't feel like there any awkwardness and I hope that gives parents the confidence to think that “hey, ok we can sit down together and it doesn't need to be this really formal chat, I don't need to have a powerpoint ready to go”.' In the same breath, Kate tells Metro that she was really pleased to see that dads and men are taking a more active role in these conversations.
'There has been a little bit of a sea change in the past 10, 11 years that I've been doing this work for the Schools Consent Project,' Kate shares. 'I would say historically, we've had a lot of women, mothers, and female activists voice concern about this issue, and yet increasingly, I'm seeing dads and men stand up and say, “we need to be part of the solution here. What can we be doing? And what's our role in educating our sons?”.'
In both Alan's video, and others she's seen online, Kate emphasises how it's been encouraging watching parents remind their children that it's 'not okay to put social approval above harm to another person.' In light of the Cornell 7 case, she adds, it's not just about raising men who aren't going to be rapists… It's raising men to be the kind of guys 'who put protecting others and stopping harm from happening above approval of their peers.'
