Jeremy Clarkson's farm Diddly Squat has been hit by a "disaster". The Clarkson's Farm star has revealed his right-hand man Kaleb Cooper is "not speaking to him" after his latest scheme cost them a lot of time with very little reward.
Due to the low rainfall this year, the farm's harvest has been struggling, leaving Clarkson looking into other ways to make a profit.
Clarkson's plan to find 'pockets of profit'
Writing in his column for The Times, he said: "I was told by our agronomist, Charlie Ireland, that there would be no point planting wheat or barley this year because no matter what the weather did I’d be guaranteed to lose money. So I came up with a plan. Instead of worrying about the big fields, which I knew would be duvets of disappointment, I turned my attention to the little bits of the farm that in my mind would become pockets of profit."
He then tried to farm rabbits, with disastrous results, as the animals turned "vicious" when he encouraged them to mate, as he penned: "This is a problem if, like me, you’re on blood thinners. I’ve never once been hurt by a cow, but every time I emerge from the daily rabbit attack, I’m bleeding so profusely I look like that fountain in Geneva."
Failed crops and a frustrated Kaleb
He tried to grow herbs after being told chives are "more expensive than silver right now", but they did not grow properly. His third option was to try and grow flax, as his farmhand Charlie planted in a few fields.
Clarkson wrote: "The flea beetle had been busy too, and the field in question is used by ten thousand local dogs as a lavatory. So it looked like flax was up there with the thyme and the rabbits as another Diddly Squat disaster."
Clarkson then admitted his ideas had left Kaleb frustrated, with the budding TV star telling off Clarkson for wasting their time, as he, Lisa, and Clarkson spent hours toiling in the fields to no avail.
Kaleb's reaction to the schemes
He wrote: "Kaleb, meanwhile, is not talking to me. He says I’ve got to stop coming up with harebrained schemes without thinking them through. And points out that as there’s no way in hell we will be able to collect everything we grew, the vast majority will just sit there, being s&&t on by dogs until it has decomposed."
