Should I Tell His Wife About His Secret Life?
A reader writes that her husband's boss openly brags about his love of prostitutes and lap dancing clubs, preferring sleazy and edgy extramarital affairs. This contrasts sharply with his wife, who is modest and classy. Now that the reader's husband is changing jobs and moving to a new industry, she wonders if she should finally tell the wife about her husband's activities. She feels guilty every time she sees the wife, knowing she's withholding the truth. Her husband advises her to leave it, but she worries about the wife's suffering or sexual health risks.
Jane O'Gorman advises: "I'd keep your nose well out of this business if I were you. Your husband's current boss could be talking a load of nonsense for all you know. He could be a fantasist who gets off on bragging about sex with other women. If he's a show off and a big mouth, then he might even think that he's impressing or intimidating those working for him. You just don't know." She warns that if she speaks to the wife, the wife might turn on her, possibly fully aware of her husband's habits and not wishing to discuss them. Since the husband is moving on, she suggests accepting that the boss and his wife may eventually drift apart. "I accept that you hate holding back and have the best intentions, but this all sounds like a massive can of worms to me," Jane concludes.
Boyfriend Wants a Break to Sleep With Ex
Another reader's boyfriend wants a break from their relationship—not a permanent split—but permission to sleep with someone else. His ex is back in town, and he wants one last fling with her before she moves to Dubai to marry her rich boyfriend. He claims that once she's 'out of his system,' he'll be completely free to dedicate himself to the reader. The reader asks, "How does that work?"
Jane's response is firm: "Do not allow your man to walk over you. Tell him that what he's suggesting is insensitive and cruel and that you want no part of it. If he can't keep his hands (or his mind) off his ex, then clearly you don't mean enough to him. Where do his loyalties lie? If he doesn't get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness, then you must walk away."
Daughter Sells Precious Heirlooms for Cash
A distressed mother gave her daughter the precious contents of her jewellery box, expecting her to cherish them. Instead, the daughter sold everything—from her grandmother's wedding ring to her father's gold watch, including the reader's own engagement ring and diamond earrings. When confronted, the daughter shrugged and said, "Times are hard." The reader feels betrayed and cries constantly. She regrets inviting her daughter over in May, explaining she was having a clear-out and wanted her to have the most meaningful pieces. The daughter cooed and promised to cherish them, but three days later, the reader discovered via social media that she had sold everything at a local jewellery shop, likely for far less than their true worth. Family members are divided: the reader's sister and niece support her, while other cousins call her 'unrealistic' and 'living in the dark ages,' arguing that people need cash, not old gold.
Jane offers blunt advice: "The cold, hard truth is that when we give objects away, we relinquish any right over them. The minute you handed your family heirlooms to your daughter they became hers to do anything she liked with." She acknowledges it's upsetting but suggests that if the daughter is in debt, she may have seen it as practical. Jane urges the reader not to fall out with anyone over this, advising her to vent to her sister and niece but not make an enemy of her daughter. "If nothing else, you've learned a valuable lesson here: Don't feel obliged to give anything more away. If you own a property or hold other valuables, then get professional financial advice. If anything else is to be sold, then make sure that YOU sell it so that you get the benefit." She understands the anger and disappointment but warns against becoming bitter or resentful: "Brush yourself off and now vow to live your life to the full."
Feeling Like a Second-Class Citizen Without Children
Another reader feels that people look down on her because she's not a mother. She and her partner cannot have children, and he is not interested in fostering or adopting. They have a great life with lovely holidays, but she feels like a second-class citizen, especially among some women. Married friends say they're jealous of her carefree weekends, but many ask what she does all day. At a party, an old school friend made a crass remark about her being boring and selfish, making her wonder if she's wasting her life.
Jane reassures her: "You cannot allow nasty people to sap your energy or criticise your life. You're not hurting anyone and don't have to justify yourself one iota." She advises focusing on the good things—health, friends, wonderful experiences—and not on the life she doesn't have. If she wants something else to love, Jane suggests getting a pet, or if she wants to 'give something back,' volunteering or charity work. As for the old friend, Jane says she should be told that her comments were unwelcome and cruel. If she doesn't apologize, the reader should move on and not bother with her again.
