Amanda Stanhope, a mother from Manchester, endured years of sexual abuse from her former fiancé, who raped her while she was unconscious from sleeping medication. She initially believed she had Alzheimer's disease because she could not recall intimate moments. Her partner taunted her each morning with the chilling phrase: 'You had a good night last night.' He was charged with four counts of rape and one of assault by penetration by Greater Manchester Police but took his own life before facing trial.
How They Met
Amanda was a mother-of-two when she met the man at a bar while dancing with her daughter. He stared at her intensely for hours before approaching and kissing her without a word. Despite his odd behavior, she found him charming and confident. Later, she discovered he was married and ended contact, but he claimed he had left his wife and was sleeping on a friend's sofa. Feeling sorry for him, Amanda allowed him to move in—a decision she now calls catastrophic.
Warning Signs
The first three months were idyllic; he cooked and praised her, making her believe they were soulmates. But then his behavior shifted. While out with friends, he roughly grabbed her arm and yanked her into a car park, accusing her of embarrassing him by dancing with another man. Despite her instincts to leave, the relationship continued for another five years.
Raped While Sleeping
One year into the relationship, Amanda began struggling with sleep and depression. She was prescribed antidepressants and sleeping tablets. Her partner would make suggestive comments, saying she had a good time the night before, but she had no memory. She thought she might have fallen asleep during sex and worried about her memory loss. She started finding bruises on her arms and legs and would wake up with a towel placed under her—something she never did herself. She spent months fearing she had Alzheimer's.
Caught in the Act
Two years later, Amanda was diagnosed with pseudodementia, a reversible condition linked to depression and psychological distress. During a weekend getaway, she took more sleeping tablets than recommended to escape the mental torture. Her partner panicked and called an ambulance. She recalled coming round to him slapping her and having sex with her while she was unable to move. She thought she was in a nightmare and realized something was very wrong with him.
She confronted him about what he did while she was unconscious, and he apologized, promising it would never happen again. But the abuse continued. A year later, she woke up to find him raping her again. She described being in survival mode, unable to leave. Eventually, she ended the relationship, but he threatened suicide. She let him sleep on the sofa, only to wake up to him sexually assaulting her in her bed.
Police and Aftermath
Amanda reported him to the police, but it took two years and three months for charges to be filed. Six weeks later, he took his own life. She expressed anger that he would never be held accountable. Greater Manchester Police apologized, stating: 'It is to our regret that Ms Stanhope did not get to see justice fully served... We have written to her to apologise for areas where our service fell below that she had every right to expect.'
Campaign
Inspired by Gisele Pelicot, Amanda teamed up with Zoe Watts, another survivor who was raped by her husband while she slept. They launched the #EndEyeCheck campaign to tackle a system that allows men to drug and rape their partners. The campaign's website states: 'An online academy is training men how to drug and rape their wives. We're two survivors and we're taking on the system that enables it.'
