Friday 7pm: Bournemouth, the UK's Miami? Checking in at The Nici, perched on West Cliff (a 10-minute taxi from the train station), you'll believe it. Think art deco styling, palm prints and pineapple cocktail shakers for each room's free rum (from £175, thenici.com).
8pm: Dinner at the hotel's South Beach is a glam but laid-back affair. We sink into armchairs for a bang-on fillet steak (£39) and a Nici Caesar salad (£22), which is theatrically tossed tableside. Live piano and a buzzy crowd complete the scene.
Saturday
9am: A dip in The Nici's 30m outdoor pool, heated to 32C to keep the Miami illusion going. After an in-room brekkie, we hit the beach: Bournemouth has a seven-mile stretch of sands to rival Florida's – though here you can buy sticks of rock, too.
11am: Back to the hotel for some spa time. A luxe subterranean space, it features an indoor pool, roomy hot tub and saunas. To really indulge, book a full-body massage, in which all your stresses are blissfully kneaded into submission (£115 for 60 mins).
2pm: Half an hour's walk (or float, post-spa) along the Blue Flag beaches brings you to Branksome Chine. Stop in for a surf-shack-style lunch at Rockwater, where beers and burgers are served with sweeping views out to sea (rockwater.uk).
5pm: Stroll a further 45 minutes to reach Sandbanks, a peninsula lined with some of the UK's priciest homes. A Rightmove dream-scroll made real, you'll pass one Grand Designs-style property after another, making a mental note to buy a lottery ticket.
7pm: Catch the ferry from Sandbanks to Studland (£1.18) to find Shell Bay – a seafood restaurant with huge windows giving immersive harbour views. We eat the best oysters we've ever had (£5 each) as the sun sets pink and red (shellbay.net).
Sunday
10am: It's a 10-minute taxi from the hotel to Sauna House, Boscombe. This newly opened complex is the UK's largest beach sauna and, boy, is it snazzy: Nordic meets modern art, all smooth lines and sea views (£17.50 for 90 mins, thesaltwatersauna.com).
1pm: Back to The Nici for Sunday lunch at Old Harry Rocks. The roast here is done heartily: rump of beef (£23) comes with serve-yourself platters of crisp potatoes, cauliflower cheese and veg. We head home full of warm fuzzy vibes – and gravy.
