A reader who spent six months unemployed after redundancy is re-entering the workforce, but finds the prospect of work lacklustre. Having enjoyed time with their kids, baking, exercising, and reading, they now feel no passion for their new role. They question how to regain motivation and be a good role model for their children.
The Conflict Between Financial Necessity and Meaning
Eleanor Gordon-Smith responds by reframing the problem: the key is not to force passion, but to consciously choose your relationship with work. She notes that some people derive meaning from their careers, while others take pride in rejecting that notion. Both perspectives are valid, but many people waver privately—especially after a career break or upon achieving a long-sought goal.
Gordon-Smith writes: “I think the way to be a role model is to make sure that whatever relationship you have with work, you have it on purpose, thoughtfully and out loud.” She emphasizes that most people must work, and children will likely face the same necessity. Therefore, demonstrating a deliberate stance—whether instrumental or meaningful—helps kids lead more thoughtful lives.
Redefining Your Stance on Work
Gordon-Smith suggests considering an instrumental relationship: work purely for money, without expecting fulfillment. This can restore mojo by removing disappointment. She explains: “Once you stop expecting yourself to personally care about the company’s metrics, it stops feeling disappointing that you don’t. You can be cheerfully matter-of-fact about getting through the boring day… it gives you permission to save your energy for the parts of life that feel meaningful.”
Alternatively, one might seek meaning in work. The key is to start by asking whether work must be meaningful for you personally. The answer will clarify concrete steps at work and the lessons you want your children to learn.
Being a Role Model Through Deliberate Choice
Gordon-Smith concludes that being a good role model does not require a specific attitude toward work. Instead, it involves demonstrating that the financial necessity of work leaves room for a range of relationships with it. By thinking, talking, and reading about which relationship you want, you help your children lead more deliberate lives.
She advises: “You could help [your kids] lead more deliberate and thoughtful lives if you demonstrate that the financial necessity of work still leaves room for a range of relationships with work.”
