Lara Caine, 46, from Ashford, Kent, found love with her husband Lewis after deleting dating apps and embracing the latest dating trend, SABSing. After three years of unsuccessful dating apps, she decided to focus on herself and met Lewis through a new friend.
From dating apps to SABSing
Lara started using dating apps at 30 after a long-term relationship ended. She described the experience as a constant cycle of bad relationships, saying, "I went on dating apps when I was 30 and I just remember it being a constant cycle of bad relationships. It's an emotional rollercoaster."
She kept meeting the same kind of people and repeating mistakes, noting, "You stop trusting your judgement after bad experiences." Finally, she deleted the apps and focused on herself, which led to meeting Lewis, 49, through a new friend from a hen-do.
What is SABSing?
SABSing stands for 'to see and be seen', a trend of meeting people naturally in person rather than using technology. It involves going out to public places hoping to meet new people instead of staying home and swiping on apps.
Lara reflected on her past relationships, saying, "I went for people who needed rescuing because I felt like I could rescue them. I just felt like other people’s needs were more important than my own." She realized she was repeating patterns and lowering her standards.
A new approach to love
After deleting the apps at 33, Lara sought life coaching, which she said "rewired my brain." She explained, "You have to completely change your mindset and start valuing yourself." She began putting herself out there and met Lewis through a friend from a bachelorette party.
Lara said, "I actually had a second date lined up that night. But I knew it didn't feel right. So I trusted my judgement and cancelled to meet Lewis. I adored him straight away." Within six months, they were trying for a baby.
Marriage and challenges
The pair met in 2013, got engaged in 2016, and married by 2017 after welcoming their son Harrison. In October 2023, Lara was diagnosed with colon cancer, testing their vows.
Lara said, "We caught it early, thank god, so I didn't need chemo. But the surgery was huge and there was a lot of recovery." She had a temporary stoma bag for a year and a half, calling it traumatic. Lewis was her "biggest cheerleader."
Helping others
After recovering, Lara left hairdressing to set up Lara Lee coaching, helping women with relationship issues. She said, "It was magical because my first client said I'd changed her life."
She added, "I just want more women to be loved for who they are. I just want to help women break their cycles and their limiting beliefs around love." She doesn't tell clients to avoid apps but advises, "Before they use them, they need to love themselves first."
