A 40-year-old divorced woman with two young children has been dating a man for a couple of months, but the more she gets to know him, the more she realises how boring he is. She finds him very good looking, but his life revolves around sports like cycling, running, kitesurfing and waterskiing.
The man came out of a long-term relationship about 18 months ago and has no kids, so he has plenty of time for these hobbies. The woman says it is becoming clear that she comes second to all this stuff and he fits her in when he can.
Lifestyle differences
He is also super-fussy when it comes to his diet and does not drink, as his body is a temple. She, on the other hand, loves a glass of wine and likes going out and having a laugh. His idea of a fun night out is a healthy dinner somewhere local or maybe a movie, and she is a bit over it.
The sex is quite good because she finds him very attractive, but even that has to be scheduled around his hobbies, and he will not do a late night if he is cycling or running the next day. She does not know whether she is being unreasonable or if they are just not compatible.
Advice from Coleen
Coleen says that if it is like this now in the early stages, how is it going to be a few months or years down the line? She adds that sometimes really fancying someone is not enough, and you need to have some stuff in common, and it does not sound like there is anything in common here.
It is difficult to walk away when the physical attraction is strong, but over time you get used to someone's looks and then you are left with a person with whom you have zero in common and who does not have time for a relationship. If you do call time on it, you will get over it.
Coleen recalls dating a guy who took her breath away and was just gorgeous. She could not get over that, which kept her going back and hanging on longer than she should have. The physical attraction was so intense, but the more she got to know him, the more she realised they were not compatible at all. She did get over it pretty quickly because there was nothing to it other than fancying him, and she is glad she called it quits.
She thinks the fact the woman is questioning this relationship already means she knows it is not right. She advises having the discussion about what she is looking for from a relationship and telling him she does not think he has time for her. He will either say he will make time or he will not, and if it is the latter, they are not a match.
