Navigating Unsettling Social Media Shares from a Friend
My friend of three decades persistently sends me social media posts and videos that I find either unfunny or deeply disturbing. We live far apart and rarely meet in person, so our communication relies heavily on a messaging app. I have repeatedly told her that I prefer positive or cute content and have no interest in American politics, yet she continues to flood my inbox with material that upsets me.
Her life is challenging, and I understand why she immerses herself in social media for distraction. Last week alone, she sent multiple videos daily that held no appeal for me, including one featuring women slapping each other. She often embraces conspiracy theories until I disprove them, which adds to my distress. It feels as though she no longer recognises who I am, and despite my silence in response, the messages keep coming.
I value this friendship and do not wish to discard it, but I sense we have been drifting apart for years. I do not blame or chastise her; rather, I feel she overlooks my feelings. How should I respond to this situation?
Eleanor Gordon-Smith's Advice on Communication Strategies
Eleanor Gordon-Smith, an advice columnist, observes that many people know someone who has fallen down the algorithmic rabbit hole of social media. The peculiar aspect is that these individuals may not even be genuinely attached to what they share; it often lacks a foundation of sincere belief. Instead, it seems driven by a mix of recreation, imitation, and boredom—simultaneously earnest and insincere.
A significant part of the issue, she notes, is that when your friend shares these videos, your identity as a person does not factor in. You become merely an audience for her output, shifting from a friend to a passive recipient. This dynamic transforms the interaction into mindless input-output, where her focus is on saying something rather than ensuring you want to hear it.
Since telling her you prefer positive videos has proven ineffective, and silence has gone unnoticed, Eleanor suggests a new approach. Instead of treating this as a Serious Problem in your friendship or listing reasons you dislike the content, try signalling that you find it a bit weird. This tactic leverages the distinction between lies and bullshit, as philosopher Harry Frankfurt described.
Lies at least acknowledge truth by opposing it, whereas bullshit disregards truth entirely, being indifferent to its veracity. Much social media content consumed by the bored and angry falls into this category—it is bullshit, worse than false, and easily discarded. People who engage with it often move on quickly when challenged, unlike with meaningful shares like a favourite film or resonant writing.
If your friend shares material in this bullshit-like manner—fast, forgotten, and indifferent to your role as interlocutor—you might have more success by reacting with strangeness rather than disturbance or falsity. Steer away from cautious, sombre disagreement and instead adopt a tone of bemused bafflement, such as asking, "What is this?"
People immersed in social media algorithms may not realise their experience is not universal; the platform design fosters a belief that everyone shares their visual language and preferences. Since previous strategies have not worked, signalling your status as a baffled outsider to her world could be more effective. Treating this content as bullshit allows for a lighter, more curious engagement that might prompt reflection without confrontation.
