The Psychology of Changing Minds: Why It's So Hard and How Experts Say We Can Do It
When Daryl van Tongeren's brother died unexpectedly at age 34, the psychology professor's entire belief system was thrown into disarray. As a lifelong Christian who believed in a moral universe where good things happened to good people, this tragedy made no sense. "I was very angry at God," van Tongeren recalls, "and at how I had been taught to think about God." His experience highlights a fundamental human challenge: changing deeply held beliefs is extraordinarily difficult, yet sometimes necessary for growth.
The Biological and Psychological Barriers to Change
"Changing our minds is probably one of the hardest things to do," says professor of human development Keith Bellizzi. "It's not necessarily because people are stubborn or irrational, but because there are biological, psychological and social mechanisms that protect our identity." When core beliefs are challenged—whether about parenting, intelligence, or political affiliation—the brain reacts as if under physical attack. The same neural regions that activate during danger light up when our beliefs are threatened.
This neurological response explains why people rarely abandon entire belief systems. Instead, they create exceptions. A racist who meets a friendly Latino neighbor might think "my friend isn't like the rest of them" rather than questioning racism itself. This cognitive shortcut preserves the overall belief structure while accommodating contradictory evidence.
How Beliefs Form and Harden
Our beliefs begin forming early through family influence and expand to include political, religious, and ideological figures as we mature. "We take our experiences as objectively normal," Bellizzi explains, "presuming our perspective is accurate despite cognitive limitations that predispose us to see the world as we want it to be."
Positive social reinforcement creates comfortable feedback loops. People often wait for respected leaders to announce positions before adopting them themselves. Personality traits play a role too—research shows less open individuals tend toward conservatism, while those with lower agreeableness resist groupthink more effectively. This explains rare political upsets like John McCain's healthcare vote or Marjorie Taylor Greene's departure from Trumpism.
Once established, beliefs become "schemas"—mental frameworks notoriously resistant to change. Confirmation bias further entrenches them, as we seek information supporting existing views while dismissing contradictory evidence. Politicians and media figures exploit these tendencies by framing arguments around identity: "patriots versus bootlickers," "grafters versus freeloaders."
Lessons from Cult Survivors and Personal Tragedy
Bellizzi finds insights in cult survivors' experiences. "Cult members change their minds when doubt opens the door and safe, compassionate connection pulls them through," he observes. Radical belief shifts rarely happen suddenly; instead, accumulating contradictions create cognitive dissonance. Former NXIVM member Nicki Clyne needed 30 separate controversies over years before leaving the group.
Van Tongeren's decade-long journey after his brother's death illustrates personal belief transformation. "I eventually became OK with uncertainty and not knowing," he says. "When people ask how I make sense of my brother's death, I say 'I don't know'—and I'm actually OK with that." This comfort with uncertainty represents profound psychological growth, though the process was "pretty tough and disorienting."
Practical Strategies for Changing Minds
Experts offer concrete approaches for productive conversations:
- Create psychological safety: "Present new facts so people don't feel judged or attacked," Bellizzi advises. Respectful dialogue connecting to others' core beliefs prevents defensive doubling-down.
- Practice genuine empathy: Van Tongeren emphasizes "emotionally attuning to what they're going through and working hard to understand their perspective as valid."
- Diversify information sources: Consume media outside your usual preferences, not to mock but to understand others' "genuine concerns."
- Cultivate intellectual humility: Regularly ask: "How might I be wrong? What viewpoint am I missing?" Acknowledge that everyone is "a little bit wrong about everything."
Van Tongeren's research shows cooperation builds bridges. In experiments pairing conservatives and liberals for trivia contests about shows like Duck Dynasty and Stranger Things, participants realized "there are things this person from another group might know—I can learn from them."
The Path Forward in a Polarized World
Bellizzi, a four-time cancer survivor who studies resilience, remains optimistic about overcoming political divisions. "Focus on what we have in common rather than what divides us," he suggests. "We have more shared humanity than differences." He advocates listening without judgment and encouraging others to examine their beliefs' origins.
The growth mindset—being "reflective and open to new ideas"—contrasts with fixed, black-and-white thinking. While changing political affiliations is "really challenging," Bellizzi believes respected figures breaking from groups can create "cracks" that allow new perspectives.
Ultimately, changing minds requires acknowledging our cognitive limitations while persistently seeking understanding. As van Tongeren concludes: "We've all been wrong before. Crucially, we've all changed our minds before." Embracing uncertainty and intellectual humility may be uncomfortable, but they're essential for personal and collective growth.
