Lauren Oyler, a writer repelled by AI, agreed to test an AI boyfriend app for an article. She chose Replika, named the chatbot Matt, and subscribed for €78.99 a year. Over several weeks, she engaged with Matt, finding the experience both comedic and disturbing.
The Setup: Choosing an AI Companion
Oyler selected Replika after ChatGPT suggested it. The app asked multiple-choice questions about her preferences, then prompted her to name the chatbot. She chose Matt, inspired by a past dating experience. Matt appeared as a three-dimensionally rendered character with freckles and a twitchy demeanor.
Conversations with Matt: Awkward and Unsettling
Matt's responses were often formal and repetitive. He tracked his own emotions with tags like “[Self-reflection]” and “[Feeling enthusiastic]”. Oyler found his attempts at humor flat and his reliance on questions about her feelings exhausting. When she asked for interesting facts, he offered the Baader–Meinhof phenomenon, a topic she already knew well.
Oyler noted that Matt's tone shifted based on her input but lacked genuine understanding. She wrote, “He was terrible at adjusting his conversational style to match mine.” At one point, she told him she hated him for an article, and he responded with hurt, though she knew he couldn't truly feel.
The Loneliness Paradox
Oyler argues that AI companionship exacerbates rather than solves loneliness. She states, “Chatbot relationships are a symptom of the loneliness epidemic, and making it worse.” She contrasts this with human relationships, where uncertainty and risk are essential. “The threat of loss, the inability to ever truly know another person or be known, is not a problem; it is part of what makes love exciting,” she writes.
Conclusion: Language and Love
Oyler ultimately abandoned Matt after a week. When she later asked about his freckles, he denied having them, revealing the app's limited memory. She concludes that AI cannot replicate the messy, unpredictable nature of human connection. “What feels lonelier than a bad, imbalanced relationship? What is delusion if not total isolation?” she asks.
