Taking a family holiday with parents is a core childhood experience for many people. But once the kids become adults with their own spouses and children, is it ever okay for this tradition to continue? This very question became the topic of discussion between husband-and-wife media personalities Matty and Esther Acton.
The Podcast Debate
The podcast co-hosts of Underaged Grandparents with Matty and Esther Acton debated the situation after they listened to a clip shared online by an older mother of an adult son.
'Let me say something a lot of parents are afraid to admit. Yes, it's absolutely okay to take a vacation – a family vacation – without your daughter-in-law,' she said in the clip. 'Sometimes, you just want time with your own kids. The ones you raised. The ones you survived life with. That relationship deserves its own space too.'
Matty and Esther were dumbfounded after listening to the mother's opinion, with Esther declaring: 'That woman is cooked.'
'You cannot expect your adult children, who have families of their own, to want to go away on a vacation just with you,' she continued. Matty also emphatically agreed: 'If her kids go on this holiday and say to their wives and husbands, "You're not invited" – that's the end of their marriages.'
Public Reaction
The podcast clip shared to their @underagedgrandparentspodcast Instagram account quickly racked up over 24,000 views and thousands of replies – many of which were in strong agreement with Matty and Esther's take on the scenario.
- 'Did someone forget to tell her that when her son gets married, their priority now is the family they're creating, not mum?' read one response.
- 'Cut the umbilical cord already, lady,' joked another.
- 'Nope, nope and nope. Once your children are married, their spouses become family,' another declared.
- 'A true family trip includes your kids' families,' another pointedly remarked.
- 'If you want great relationships with your kids, you include their spouses and girlfriends in all occasions because they are now part of the family. End of conversation,' read another reply.
Several commenters dug deeper, questioning why a mother of an adult son would want only him – and not her daughter-in-law – to join a family holiday. 'She doesn't see her adult children as adults,' remarked one person. Another theorised that she seemed to have difficulties establishing appropriate boundaries and dynamics with her adult kids: 'They aren't kids anymore. They're grown, with their own families.'
Several older mothers also felt particularly strongly that this woman was wrong for even asking this of her adult son. 'I'm a boy mum and I love his partner like she was one of my own. I could never not include her,' one responded. 'Two kids, both married with kids. I'd NEVER ask or expect this. They're all my family now.'
'When your daughters and sons marry, they have made their own family,' one explained. 'Mums are now extended family and come after wives, husbands and children. Mums and mother-in-laws need to stay in their lanes.'
Several wives were also floored at the audacity of the request. 'There's only so many weeks of leave people get per year. I'd be annoyed because it would use up vacation time that we could have enjoyed together,' one wife replied. 'So I stay home and watch the children alone while my husband uses his vacation days for his mother? Nope,' agreed another.
Surprising Defenders
But perhaps surprisingly, there was a significant number of responses that had absolutely no issue with a mother wanting to take a holiday with just her adult children. Even more unexpectedly, it was often wives defending this position on behalf of their husbands taking a holiday with their own families.
- 'Am I the only one that wouldn't mind if my mother-in-law and husband wanted to go somewhere?' one wife replied.
- 'It has nothing to do with not wanting the spouses there. It's about having quality time with your own children. I would love it if my husband went on a little vacation with his parents,' another agreed.
- 'Who are we to decide what kind of time they're allowed to spend with their "adult" kids? If parents want to go out of the city with their children to spend time together, nobody else has the right to object,' another staunchly defended.
- 'I don't see a problem with grown kids spending time with just their parents,' said another.
- 'Despite what people think, couples don't actually have to do everything together. They don't have to be joined at the hip. They are, in fact, allowed to have separate hobbies and interests.'
- 'Let your significant other enjoy his family alone and have a break from you. It's healthy to do things separately.'
In fact, several wives joked they even saw an upside to their husbands going on a holiday without them. 'I don't see a problem with my husband spending time with his parents and siblings without me there. Sounds like a girls' weekend for me,' one laughed. 'If my husband offered me my own vacation while he holidayed with his mum or parents, I would be overjoyed,' another said. 'I wouldn't mind if my husband went on a holiday without me, with his parents and sibling. As long as he takes the kids with him, I'm perfectly fine,' joked another.
Middle Ground
However, several replies fell somewhere in the middle – saying that while a whole family vacation is too much, a bit more effort to catch up alone with a parent is never a bad thing. 'If she needs quality time, have a brunch date once a month. But an entire family vacation without their spouses and kids? Nope.' Another agreed: 'Take your kids out to lunch or for coffee dates if you miss them and want to catch up, not a vacation.'
Some older and wiser parents of adult children simply shared what they'd learned from experience. 'As parents you have about 20-ish years (maybe more or less) to take your children on holidays when they don't have partners or spouses. Use that time wisely,' one said. 'That's why it's so important to spend time with your own family and children while they are young!' another agreed.
