When the world entered lockdown in 2020, Mel Hudson, then 56, moved into a new flat and lived alone for the first time in her life. She had been separated for nearly a decade from the father of her two children. With one child at university and the other already gone, it was just her and her cat, Trinity.
She embraced single life, enjoying autonomy over her time and space. But after a couple of years of lockdowns, loneliness crept in. She had no libido and had gone through menopause without hormone replacement therapy. She questioned why she should try to get her libido back without a partner, and why get a partner without a libido.
Concert transformation
In August 2022, her friend Paul gave her a spare ticket to see Richard Ashcroft at Crystal Palace Bowl in south London. She arrived unenthused, but the concert transformed her. Ashcroft played songs from the 1990s – from before she became a mother – and she found herself surging to the front, singing along, gazing up at him as if he were an idol. She left elated.
Over the next few weeks, she listened to every track, watched every video and interview. Her daughter would ring from university and ask, “What are you doing? Lying in bed watching Richard Ashcroft videos?” And she nearly always was. She realised she needed to jump-start her libido, but not necessarily with medication. She says, “This was spiritual. From deep in my soul. I had fallen in love with Richard Ashcroft.”
Second puberty
The gig reminded her of rockstar fandom as a young girl – a gateway to sexual attraction. At 58, she felt she was repeating a level from age 14: infatuation with a rock star as a prelude to the real thing. “I was going through a second puberty.”
A spark was ignited. She began sniffing the pheromonal air with different intent, feeling fired up about having sex again after 10 years. She signed up for dating apps. Also, Trinity the cat died. “It was time.”
Her revived libido did not simply lead to a new partner – though she did meet someone. More importantly, she rediscovered what it felt like to fancy someone again and how that drives creativity and social life. She says, “I learned that, as an older person, you discount desire at your peril. The story of it may ebb and flow – but it doesn’t have to end.”
Mel Hudson’s show, Richard Ashcroft Revived My Libido, is at the Edinburgh fringe from 5–30 August (excluding 18 August) at Gilded Balloon Teviot.
