The age-old relationship advice 'never go to bed angry' may be doing more harm than good, according to leading relationship experts. While the sentiment aims to encourage quick conflict resolution, it often forces couples to suppress complex emotions and settle for superficial fixes rather than genuine understanding.
Psychologist Dr Alexandra Solomon warns that such aphorisms create an 'impossible bind' where partners feel compelled to abandon their own feelings to meet an idealised notion of love. Anger, far from being an enemy, provides valuable information about personal needs and values, notes sex therapist Moushumi Ghose.
Physiologically, intense anger triggers a fight-or-flight response that impairs rational thinking. Sexologist Dr Nazanin Moali explains that during conflict, heart rates rise and the nervous system floods, making meaningful repair impossible. Allowing time to calm down enables the logical mind to re-engage.
Rather than rushing to resolve disagreements before sleep, experts advocate 'bookending' conflict—agreeing to pause and revisit the issue later. This approach respects each partner's need to process emotions and ensures that resolutions are truly satisfactory, not just convenient. Ultimately, learning to navigate arguments constructively can strengthen relationships far more than pretending they don't exist.
