As a longtime Jilly Cooper fan, I eagerly watched the television adaptation of Rivals. The show was full of memorable moments, but the one that resonated most deeply with me involved a minor character, Charles Fairburn. He worked for a dysfunctional boss while caring for his mother with dementia. In the final episode, he is reunited with his secret lover Gerald in a woodland, beaming with joy as he says, 'Mother knew me this morning!' That line stayed with me, because it captured exactly what I had been feeling since my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease in January 2025.
My mother's dementia came on quickly, triggered by a bowel illness. She stopped calling as often, and her WhatsApp messages became erratic. During a family gathering to fill out assessment forms, I noticed she ate without stopping and struggled to add up Scrabble scores. I cried in the shower, on my cycle to work, and while stacking the dishwasher at night. The only escape I found was watching television, and Rivals provided the perfect distraction.
Charles Fairburn's storyline made me realise how much my happiness is tied to my mother's wellbeing. In almost every interaction with her, I am seeking to connect—to hear her ask after my husband, to laugh together, to be mothered. When she recognises me and we share a moment, I could dance. When she doesn't, I feel lost. That scene in Rivals validated my experience and made me grateful that someone thought to include such a succinct portrayal of what it is to be a child of a parent with dementia.
Perhaps season two of Rivals will continue this storyline, or perhaps not. Either way, I am learning to find those moments of connection with my mother, appreciating each time she knows me.
