A mother is struggling to tell her 13-year-old daughter that her beloved grandfather has terminal cancer. The daughter, who has dyslexia and ADHD, has already faced bullying at school and finds it hard to attend. The mother fears the news will be devastating, especially since her father is the one person her daughter relates to.
Mother's Dilemma
The mother, writing to advice columnist Coleen Nolan, explains that her daughter is extremely close to her grandfather. He is 'brilliant with her' and always finds activities for them to do together. The diagnosis feels 'catastrophic on so many levels'. The mother is heartbroken for herself but even more for her daughter, who adores her grandfather.
Coleen's Advice
Coleen advises being open and honest, despite the temptation to protect the child. 'It’s probably tempting to try to hide this from your daughter as long as possible because you want to protect her, but I think it’s important to be open and honest,' she says. Teenagers often seek answers online, so it's better they hear accurate information from a trusted adult.
Coleen suggests expecting many questions, including worries about genetic risks. She advises encouraging the daughter to talk to others and informing the school so they can offer support and counselling.
Personal Experience
Coleen shares her own experience: her daughter was very young when her sister Bernie died and didn't attend the funeral because she was on a school trip. Now she regrets it. 'So my advice would be not to shut her out of having the chance to say things to her granddad or spend time with him,' Coleen writes. The grandfather might also want to speak to his granddaughter himself.
Support Resources
Coleen acknowledges there's no way around the heartbreak but emphasizes that it becomes easier to deal with. She advises letting the daughter know it's OK to cry and express her feelings. She also points to cancer charities like Cancer Research UK and Macmillan for guidance on talking to children.
