A 70-year-old mother has endured years of verbal abuse from her son due to his alcohol and ketamine addictions. She describes being his emotional punchbag, with him blaming her for all his bad choices. After trying everything to help, she backed off for her own mental health. Her daughter and most of his friends also cut ties, as he only sought money from them and became abusive when refused.
Son's Attempt to Reconnect
Now, her son is trying to reconnect, claiming he has found God and has quit drugs and alcohol. However, she finds it hard to trust him, given his history of lying and lack of a proper apology. He wants to meet for a meal for his birthday, but she is reluctant due to the long drive, her health problems, and fear of being upset.
Advice from Coleen
Coleen advises the mother to tell her son she is not ready yet, without being harsh. She suggests saying, “I’m really glad you’re starting to sort your life out and, if it’s through finding faith, that’s great, but I still have scars from what we’ve been through and don’t feel ready.” Coleen draws on her own experience with a son who went to rehab, noting that rebuilding trust takes time because addicts become adept at lying. She emphasizes that if the son genuinely wants to make amends, he will accept her feelings and continue proving he has changed. Coleen also recommends that the son should come to her or meet halfway on neutral ground.
Words of Wisdom
Coleen concludes: “Never feel guilty about changing your mind, protecting your own peace, moving on from relationships or situations you’ve outgrown, starting again, or taking time to make a decision. It’s OK to put yourself first sometimes.”
