A reader writes to Coleen about her 15-year-old daughter who constantly lies. She allowed her to catch the train into town alone for independence, but last week the daughter claimed to meet a school friend and instead met a boyfriend from another school. Previous lies include meeting different people, spending money, and school incidents revealed by a teacher. The reader feels she is failing as a parent and worries about her daughter's naivety regarding safety, especially with local reports of stabbings and attacks.
Coleen's Response: Lying Is Common Among Teenagers
Coleen reassures the reader that she is not failing and that lying is very common among teenagers. She shares a discussion with a teenage relative who lies about small things. Coleen emphasizes that lying never wins; when you tell the truth, no one believes you. She advises staying calm and reiterating that the daughter can share anything, however bad or embarrassing. If something upsetting happens, she needs to know she can come to her parent. Meeting a boy or someone unknown requires telling the parent for safety reasons.
Understanding the Teenage Perspective
Coleen recalls being a teenager and not telling her parents everything to avoid grounding. She suggests remembering what it felt like at that age and explaining that the parent understands. Being a teen is tough because people expect maturity while treating you like a child. Coleen recommends having non-negotiable boundaries and compromising where possible to give the daughter a sense of freedom. It is a hard stage, especially with scary news today.
Key Advice: Balance Trust and Safety
Use this situation as a chance to talk about dangers and staying safe. The most important thing in a romantic relationship is supporting each other's dreams and goals. Appreciate differences and give each other freedom to grow as individuals.
