A mother of three from Essex was so tormented by obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) that she became convinced she was a paedophile and contemplated handing herself over to the police. Lauren Carrigher, 35, experienced horrifying intrusive sexual thoughts about children, which triggered severe panic attacks during the school run.
The Onset of Distressing Symptoms
Lauren's ordeal began in January 2024, shortly after the birth of her daughter. Initially, she feared her television would explode and later believed she was having a heart attack, leading to a hospital visit. There, she was diagnosed with postnatal depression and prescribed antidepressants. However, within a month, her condition worsened dramatically.
Intrusive sexual and violent thoughts began to plague her, plunging her into what she describes as a 'living hell'. She recalled: 'I felt like I needed to call the police on myself. I had to try and act normal around them and ignore what was in my head, but it was so hard.'
Struggling with the School Run
Simple tasks became impossible. 'Doing the school run was extremely hard. There was one time I thought 'no, I know I'm not a paedophile, I'm going to do the school run',' she said. 'As soon as all the kids started coming out of the doors... I looked down and had a massive panic and anxiety attack. I was close to fainting and I ended up on a heap on the floor crying my eyes out.'
The intrusive thoughts were not limited to children. Lauren experienced unwanted images involving family members, which she found 'absolutely horrendous'. She lost 5 stone 7 pounds due to severe anxiety and became fearful of being alone, requiring her mother to live with her.
Escalation and Breaking Point
Things escalated to the point where Lauren feared she might act on her thoughts. She hid knives and locked windows, terrified she might harm herself or others. In August 2024, she experienced a night of planning a murder in her mind, which she describes as her peak crisis.
'All night I sat up, that was the peak for me, and my brain was planning a murder. It was saying 'there's knives in the drawer, they're vulnerable, what if I strangled them or stabbed them?',' she recounted. The next day, she broke down and sought private medical help, leading to a three-month stay in a mental health unit.
Diagnosis and Recovery
During her stay, Lauren was diagnosed with postnatal obsessive-compulsive disorder, a condition characterised by obsessive, unwanted thoughts. The diagnosis brought immense relief. 'I was over the moon... it was like a massive sigh of relief,' she said.
Treatment with anti-psychotic medication and exposure therapy, which began in April 2025, helped her regain control. Lauren now rarely experiences intrusive thoughts and is committed to raising awareness. 'It was literally like a switch went off in my head... I've got my life back, and you can recover,' she stated.
Raising Awareness
Lauren emphasises that these thoughts do not define a person. 'It's the most debilitating mental health disorder out there... People are so uneducated about it. That's why I'm trying to spread awareness that you're not some horrible, vile person and it doesn't define you as a person, it's a mental health disorder,' she said.
For support, the Samaritans can be reached 24/7 at 116 123 or jo@samaritans.org.
