As a pediatrician, Megan Moreno says the loss of human connection is the biggest threat to kids, not technology itself. In a commentary for The Guardian, she argues that the greatest threat to connection may not be technology itself, but our growing unwillingness to curiously, thoughtfully and openly communicate about the role technology plays in our lives.
A clinical perspective on screen time
Moreno describes how parents arrive at her clinic with worries about their teens' screen time. The parent demands that their child “fess up” and reveal how many hours they waste on their phone every day. The atmosphere is immediately charged. The teen becomes defensive. The parent is frustrated.
She suggests starting elsewhere, asking: “Can you share a little about what you do when you are using technology? What do you enjoy? Are there things about your technology use you are worried about and willing to discuss?”
The answers are not usually what people expect. One teen tells her about friendships maintained on social media after moving to a new town. Another shows videos he created to promote his school’s upcoming play. One shares how digital design tools are changing the fashion industry. Another quietly admits that gaming has become so consuming that it feels stressful.
A polarized debate
Moreno notes that conversations about technology have become trapped in a false choice between pro-tech enthusiasts and preachers of digital abstinence. The result is a polarized debate dominated by blame, shame and moral judgment.
During a community event focused on digital media, she asked a youth panel of adolescents whether they could describe a positive conversation they had with a parent about technology. Every single panelist shook their head. “I’ve never had that,” one teenager said, uneasily eyeing her mom who was sitting in the front row.
Curiosity as a solution
Moreno suggests the solution begins with curiosity. Parents can ask what interests their children have online, and why those interests matter. They can ask about questions or worries their kids have about tech use, and share some of their own concerns. If a parent missteps by scrolling cute cat videos and delaying dinner, they can acknowledge it and make it a teachable moment.
Children do not need adults who have all the answers. They need adults willing to ask questions. These conversations matter because they lower the temperature of the debate, allowing better questions on the societal level: How should digital platforms be designed to ensure safety? What obligations do technology companies have to children? What policies would support healthier digital environments?
Moreno concludes that if we want to preserve human connection in the age of social media and AI, the answer is not to simply spend less time with technology. It is spending more time talking openly with one another. The irony, she says, is that as we worry endlessly about technology pulling us apart, it might be our inability to have conversations about technology that ultimately divides us.
