David Morrissey, the actor renowned for his roles in The Walking Dead and State Of Play, has opened up about his battle with alcoholism and his 21-year journey to sobriety, revealing the deep trauma he suffered following his father's death.
A Painful Loss at a Young Age
Morrissey, now 61, lost his father to a haemorrhage when he was just 15. His father had been battling a long-term blood disorder. Speaking on BBC Radio 4's Desert Island Discs with Lauren Laverne, the actor admitted he was in a 'terrible state' after the loss. He described experiencing 'trauma responses', depression, and anxiety that took hold in the aftermath.
Leaving school at 16, just a year after his father's death, Morrissey spent six months on the road with a Wolverhampton-based theatre company. He recalled: 'I knew that, academically, I was never going to be able to go to university or anything – that was never going to happen to me. So, I had to make it happen somewhere else. It was hard for my mum, but I knew I had to cut the strings and find independence. They say that hyper-independence is a trauma response. I do tend to cut off sometimes.'
Struggles with Alcoholism
The Liverpool-born star revealed that his drinking began as a way to cope with anxiety. 'Drinking first was about anxiety. I've had this terrible social anxiety and that helped me get through it,' he said. The habit escalated during his adult life, and he found he 'couldn't stop'. Morrissey described a low point: 'I was just on my own in the pub. That was really hard and very hard for my ex-wife and people around me.'
He credits a colleague from a job who gave him his number, knowing he was in Alcoholics Anonymous. Two years later, when Morrissey was in a 'terrible, terrible state', he called that colleague early in the morning. 'He came round my house and just sat with me. And I've not drank since that day, really. So, it's been tough.'
Morrissey, who has been sober for 21 years, admitted: 'When I stopped drinking, I didn't stop being an alcoholic. My behaviour was still very self-destructive for many years.'
How Acting Rescued Him
The actor, also known for his role in the upcoming ITV drama Gone, shared that his career 'rescued' him and makes him 'feel safe'. His passion for acting was sparked after watching an episode of the 1970s TV drama Colditz, starring Michael Bryant, in which the lead character 'pretended to go mad in order to escape' his circumstances.
Morrissey said: 'That troubled me. It really upset me. I identified with him, his character, his situation, and that sort of thing that bubbled up inside me. I wanted to find out how to control that or understand it. Therefore I went looking for acting, I went looking for a way out. And when I walked into the door of the Everyman Youth Theatre, I found it. I found these people who were having fun but experimenting. It was about emotion. It was unashamedly about feelings.'
He added: 'When I'm in work, I feel safe. Not necessarily in control, but I feel it's where I should be in my life. In my life, I'm less confident. I'm always looking for an exit strategy in every situation. I'm much better nowadays, but for a long time I was really telling myself I wasn't enough and all that stuff, and that added to the sort of the alcoholism and the inability to stop.'
The complete Desert Island Discs episode is available on BBC Sounds and BBC Radio 4 from Sunday at 10am.
