A single mother-of-five who carried babies for two gay couples has spoken candidly about the profound emotional challenges of surrogacy, revealing she often felt 'invisible and lonely' throughout the journey. Dawn Wickhorst, a 33-year-old photographer and foster carer from Alberta, Canada, first decided to become a surrogate in 2019 after learning about the struggles many couples face with natural conception.
The Hidden Struggles of Surrogacy
Dawn embarked on this altruistic path, carrying babies for two different couples, but described the experience as one marked by significant isolation. 'As a surrogate, you're such an important part of the process, as you're the vessel that brings this child into the world,' she explained. 'But you're also not part of the family. Whilst the couple is getting excited and preparing to expand their family, you're on your own.'
She detailed the practical difficulties of managing pregnancy while caring for her own children solo. 'I was trying to manage all of my kids on my own whilst being pregnant, feeling sick and managing all these changes in my body,' Dawn said. 'Because you're a surrogate, there's this unspoken expectation to just 'handle it' quietly, because it's something you chose to do, and I think it can make pregnancy symptoms feel heavier when you're dealing with them mostly on your own.'
The Weight of Loneliness
The emotional burden, she noted, was often overwhelming. 'The hardest part was actually the loneliness; there were moments where I felt completely invisible,' Dawn admitted. 'I remember sitting in waiting rooms alone, managing big feelings quietly, or going home afterward to regular responsibilities as a single mum, with no pause to process what I was carrying, literally and emotionally.'
Her story highlights a stark contrast in the surrogacy narrative, particularly as it gains prominence among celebrities. While figures like Meghan Trainor, Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Priyanka Chopra, Nick Jonas, and Rebel Wilson have openly discussed using surrogates, often due to medical reasons, the voices of the surrogates themselves remain largely unheard.
A Call for Greater Support
Dawn emphasised that this disparity can leave surrogates feeling overlooked during a physically and emotionally demanding process. She warned other potential surrogates to ensure they have a robust support network to mitigate feelings of isolation. 'I would advise would-be surrogates to make sure you build up your support network, and remember that feeling lonely doesn't mean you regret the journey,' she advised.
Her decision to become a surrogate stemmed from an interview with an author about infertility for a magazine. 'I decided to become a surrogate after my eyes were opened to how many people struggle to conceive,' Dawn recalled. 'I didn't realise how lucky I was because I have five children of my own and all of my pregnancies went really well. I just felt like my body could do good for somebody.'
Choosing to Help a Gay Couple
After signing with an agency, Dawn selected a gay male couple from a list of intended parents, drawn to their profile despite a label indicating HIV positivity. 'They had a big red label on their profile that said HIV positive, and when I looked at what they'd written about their values and how they fell in love, I couldn't imagine them not being able to have a baby just because of that red label,' she said.
The embryo transfer, delayed until August 2020 due to the pandemic, marked the beginning of a unique pregnancy. 'Being pregnant with a child that wasn't mine was definitely interesting,' Dawn reflected. 'The doctor implanted the embryo so fast and then looked at me and said 'congratulations, you're pregnant'. It felt natural because I had been pregnant so many times before, but it was strange knowing that I wasn't going to have a baby at the end of it.'
In Canada, where paying surrogates is illegal, Dawn completed the process altruistically, without financial gain.
Rewards and Reflections
Despite the challenges, Dawn found the experience deeply rewarding and did not struggle with handing the baby over after birth. 'The moment when I got to hand the baby to his parents was actually the highlight of the whole experience,' she shared. 'It was so emotional and beautiful to watch.' However, she acknowledged grieving the journey's end. 'My whole life revolved around having a baby for this couple, and then all of a sudden it was over.'
As a single mother, Dawn lacked a partner's support during the toughest parts of pregnancy, and the intended parents' distance limited in-person assistance. Yet, she holds no regrets, citing a sense of purpose that led her to undertake a second surrogacy in 2024. 'I think it would be amazing if there were more services out there for surrogates, such as support groups, so that it doesn't feel so lonely,' she concluded, though after seven pregnancies, she believes her body is now 'done'.
