It has been over a year since a reader gave birth to her daughter, and she and her husband have not had sex since. The reader writes: "I know this situation can’t go on forever, though, so how do I deal with it?" She cites a difficult birth and slow healing, along with the demands of parenthood, as reasons for the hiatus.
While the couple remain close and attracted to each other, the topic of sex has become awkward. They have a night away planned, with grandparents babysitting, but the reader feels pressure to have sex, fearing disappointment if it goes badly or regret if they skip it.
Coleen Nolan's advice
Advice columnist Coleen Nolan advises the reader to reframe the trip: "Don’t think of this trip as going away to have sex – treat it as a break where you can enjoy a whole 24 hours of rest and relaxation together." She suggests that if sex happens naturally, that is fine, but not to put pressure on themselves.
Nolan notes that many new parents struggle with finding time to connect, not just sexually but also to talk, cuddle, and do nice things together. She encourages the couple to continue creating opportunities for connection, whether weekly or monthly.
Rebuilding intimacy gradually
Acknowledging that sex may feel scary after a long break, Nolan recommends building up gradually with other forms of romance. "Communication is important, so why not use this time away to start the conversation?" she adds.
The column also includes a separate mindfulness tip: starting the day by sitting quietly with coffee, without distractions.
