Jules Millward, a mother of five, has opened up about the stark double standards she experiences in parenting. While her husband is praised as a 'super-dad' for taking their children out, she faces incredulous questions, invasive comments, and scrutiny about her body and family size.
Daily encounters with judgment
Millward described a typical incident at school pickup: standing with her newborn while her other four children queued for the toilet. A woman collecting her grandchildren counted the children and asked, 'Are they all yours?' Millward replied with a polite smile, but was taken aback. She noted that having five children is uncommon, especially with the birth rate in England and Wales at its lowest in 50 years, but the question still felt intrusive.
The woman then remarked, 'You've got your hands full' — a comment Millward says she hears 'umpteen times a week.' She contrasted this with her husband's experience: he rarely receives such scrutiny and is often praised for being a hands-on dad.
Different treatment for dads
Millward and her husband share parenting duties equally, from morning chaos to bedtime, packed lunches, and laundry. Yet people assume she is primarily responsible. Questions about childcare or clubs are directed at her, even when both parents are present. Her husband has been asked what she is cooking for dinner, as if meal planning falls solely on her.
When each parent takes all five children out, their experiences diverge sharply. Her husband is treated as a superhero for taking the kids to the supermarket. Once, an older lady told him, 'Aren't you good, taking them out on your own?!' Strangers call him 'super-dad' and say he is 'giving Mum a break.' Millward, however, has never been called a 'super-mum.' Instead, she has been asked at the school gates whether all her children have the same father — a question never posed to her husband.
Body image comments and assumptions
Millward also faces remarks about her body. Strangers and other mothers have said, 'You look like that after having five kids?!' While likely meant as a compliment, she finds it uncomfortable, especially as a mother raising a daughter. She does not want her children to grow up hearing women praised for 'bouncing back' or feeling pressured to look a certain way after childbirth.
Other intrusive comments include assumptions about her sex life. A gym trainer suggested she and her husband 'must be at it like rabbits,' though no one has made such a remark to her husband. Millward joked that five kids are 'the best form of contraception.' People also assume the family is wealthy or lives in constant chaos. Millward explained that like most families, they make choices and sacrifices, budget carefully, and accept a certain level of chaos — but the family is full of love.
Call for change
Millward attributes the double standards to outdated beliefs that mothers are solely responsible for children while fathers are just 'helping out.' She argues that fathers should not be treated as exceptional for doing the school run or taking kids to the park. 'Parenting is their responsibility too — no matter how many children they have,' she said. 'If my husband is celebrated for taking five children out by himself, then I should be too.'
She hopes perceptions will change so that both parents can simply be congratulated on their wonderful family, without one being put on a pedestal and the other boxed into a stereotype.
