The uncertainty is killing me. Is it going to happen or not? Could what seemed impossible not so long ago actually be achieved? Even at this stage, everything is still up in the air. And by the way folks, I'm not talking about Scotland getting through to the next round of the World Cup.
No. You thought there was jeopardy involved in that ahead of facing Brazil in Miami? Well, how about this? My brother Ross is getting married in Glasgow on Saturday and - thanks to Steve Clarke and his players - I've still got no idea whether I'm going to make it or not.
A Dilemma Like No Other
Don't get me wrong, this kind of perilous situation was always on the cards as soon as the World Cup draw was made. Ross and Gillian's big day was already locked in. So when Scotland qualified and the Group C fixtures were announced, we were thrust into the realms of the unknown. Would I be back in time for my best man duties after Clarke's boys crashed out of the tournament at the first hurdle?
Given our World Cup record, there was every chance, right? Or would we defy the odds, qualify for the knock-out stage for the first time ever, and rule me out of the wedding reception? What a dilemma. Whisper it, but Ross might be the only guy in the whole country wanting us to get battered by the Brazilians - just so I can get on the next flight home.
But thanks to the myriad of potential permutations at this World Cup, even a humping off Carlo Ancelotti's side might not put us out. That's where we are right now. After another memorable few days in Boston, we're en route to Miami without a clue about what happens next.
Understanding and Support
In all seriousness, my brother knew this was a distinct possibility. Deep down, he wants me there to see him getting married with the rest of the family. Of course, he does. But he'd also resigned himself to the fact that I might not make it. At the moment, Record Sport has me booked on a flexible ticket back to Scotland on Friday, two days after the Brazil game. I'm due to land in Glasgow at 9.40am on Saturday, with the wedding starting at 4pm.
At this rate, I'll need to take Keith Jackson as my plus one. If I do make it, what state will I be in when I get there? With the jet lag and a few pints, I might end up kipping in the honeymoon suite before the night's out. If I'm not back for it, I suppose I could pull up a pew in Miami and arrange to watch the nuptials on Zoom. Maybe Steve Clarke could give Gill away via video link. Or John McGinn could do my speech and toast the happy couple.
It's a crazy situation but we knew it might happen. I'm actually surprised Ross even wants me there after his stag do in Carlisle before I jetted off to the States. We went to watch United in a National League game (obviously!) and I arranged for Ross to take part in the half-time challenge - only for him to fall on his a**e, much to the delight of the Brunton Park crowd.
The Bond of Brothers
All joking aside, the key is that he completely understands why I need to be here in America. He might not be a football obsessive like me but he knows, and loves, the game. Last week, I wrote about how we had the holiday of our lives as a 10 and eight year old at the Italia '90 World Cup. So he gets it. He knows how special it is for me to be covering Scotland at this tournament in the USA. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that couldn't be missed. The trip has been epic so far and it's not over yet.
We've been in Fort Lauderdale, New Jersey, New York, Charlotte and Boston. Now it's on to Miami to take on the might of Brazil. It doesn't get any bigger than that. But the uncertainty is the hardest part. You'd rather know one way or another. Unfortunately, that's not how this World Cup works. After our defeat to Morocco, Scotland's fate might not be decided for a while yet, irrespective of how we get on against Brazil.
Already, the press pack here are tying ourselves in knots trying to work out what it will take to get us through. How many days will we have to return to our base camp in Charlotte for before we know for sure? And where might we be headed next? Back to Boston - the Tartan Army's new home - to take on Germany? Or could we face the hosts, Mexico, at the famous Azteca Stadium next week? What a prospect.
It's probably not what Ross wanted to hear. But you know what? If I don't make it back in time for his big day, there won't be a hint of negativity from him. If I'm heading for Mexico City instead of the Burnside Hotel, he'll be the first on the phone to say what an experience it will be and telling me to enjoy myself. Clarke and his players have often talked about this Scotland squad being like a band of brothers. Well, I'll tell you something: if their bond is as strong as mine and Ross's, we might actually go on and WIN this World Cup.
If we get knocked out at this stage, I'll be gutted from a football perspective but at least I might make the wedding. If we progress, I'll be ecstatic at the thought of a first-ever knock-out game for Scotland at a major finals. And at least when I do eventually get back, I'll have a brand new suit waiting for me.
