James Acaster has revealed the "scary" moment he considered walking out of Celebrity Traitors, amid concerns over his mental health during the hit BBC reality show.
The comedian, 41, admitted he was a Traitor during last week's tense roundtable after being questioned by actor Michael Sheen, 57. It was later claimed producers had to step in after he became upset during the discussion, and he was reportedly given a welfare check before the roundtable began.
Acaster sparked further concerns for his wellbeing when he was missing from the Traitors finale episode on Uncloaked on Friday, prompting fans and celebrities to share their hopes that he is doing okay.
Fear during the coffin challenge
Speaking to Far Out magazine after his exit, Acaster said there was a moment he considered "walking out" over his "greatest fear". During the coffin challenge, contestants were put in pairs and buried underground while others were tasked with digging them out.
"I was lying there thinking, actually, I think I'm really scared of this. As soon as the soil was heaped on top, Bella [Ramsey] did say, 'Imagine if they can't get us out,'" he admitted.
Referencing Jerry Hall's decision to quit the mission, he added: "She didn't like it. She didn't like, well, none of us liked it.
"No, I respect Jerry the most because Jerry just went, 'I'm not doing this.' Like, are you kidding me? And the rest of us were just like, 'We want to win Traitors in our coffins, idiots.'
"We should have just done what - as soon as I heard Jerry got out, I should have said to Bella, 'I'm getting out, forget it. If it's a free-for-all now, we should all get out. They can't stop us all. We could all do it.'"
Confession at the roundtable
Acaster shared his Traitor identity after Sheen quizzed him on the specifics of Ross Kemp's murder in plain sight.
"I understand how you've put it all together," Acaster said. "I can't really argue that it sounds feasible, and that sounds like it could have happened. I can promise you that I didn't spray him.
"I just want to explain my situation. I was made a Traitor without wanting to be.
"I've had a unique experience on this that no one has had before, where I wanted to be a Faithful; that's all I wanted to be. I couldn't just go, 'Guys, it's me, vote for me.' But that's all I can do, really."
He received all of the votes and told his fellow celebrities before his exit: "When I came into this experience, I told Claudia that all I wanted to be was a Faithful and all I wanted to do was go round this castle and help the Faithfuls as much as possible, catching Traitors.
"I'm really proud to say that's what I've been able to do under the circumstances. I am, reluctantly, a Traitor."
He added that a "weight has been lifted off his shoulders".
Past mental health struggles
Acaster has previously discussed his autism diagnosis in his comedy shows, talking about how neurodivergence shapes his creative process. He has also revealed his battles with anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts in the past.
Acaster went viral during his Celebrity Bake Off appearance in 2019 for quipping of his failed flapjacks: "I started making it, had a breakdown, bon appétit!" He later revealed he was in the middle of a mental health crisis at the time and hadn't slept for more than 40 hours, and reached out to the Samaritans after the episode.
In 2020, the comic said he was having therapy twice a month and was preparing for another period of depression or anxiety in the future.
"There have been three points in my life where things have fallen apart," he told the BBC. "At 35, I'd be pretty naïve to think it won't happen again. What I'd like is to understand why those three times happened, so if it happens again I can be more on top of it."
If you are struggling with mental health, you can speak to a trained advisor from Mind mental health charity on 0300 123 3393 or email [email protected]. The Samaritans are also available day or night, 365 days a year, on 116 123 or at samaritans.org.
