When four-year-old Ana pointed at her nanny and declared, “They is my nanny,” she not only corrected a church volunteer’s assumption but also became one of her nanny’s biggest allies. Henna Patel, a 31-year-old non-binary nanny, was taken by surprise when Ana proudly stated her pronouns to a volunteer at a community group held in a church for parents, carers, and young children.
Ana had never met a non-binary person before Patel became her and her baby brother’s nanny. Despite her young age, Ana stood up for her nanny in a sweet and confident way, a stark contrast to Patel’s own father, who still refers to her as his daughter. Patel notes that her father’s misgendering is not out of malice but simply a lack of effort.
Coming Out and Finding Support
Patel first tested the waters with she/they pronouns in 2022, after a slow awakening that had been building for a year. Around the same time, she fell in love with two people, Lex and Jordan, and joined a triad, saying goodbye to monogamy. This led her to explore her gender identity, realizing she related to the fluidity of gender and thrived in the plurality of gender, letting her masculine and feminine energies co-exist.
Coming out to her mostly queer friend group was met with “this makes so much sense for you.” However, it was more complicated with her family. Having already come out as bisexual and polyamorous, she explained to her parents that the word “daughter” no longer felt right. She opted for a message on the group chat to give them time to digest. The responses varied from “so happy that this is right for you and makes you feel like you” to “it will be harder for older generations to understand.” Despite some slip-ups and binary thinking, most people were supportive and still trying.
A Career Change to Childcare
Before this, Patel had spent most of her life thinking she didn’t want children. But existing in her gender and sexuality euphoria made her realize she did want kids, just not to be pregnant. She adores having children in her life, including her niblings (the gender-neutral term for nieces and nephews). One nibling is being raised genderless by two non-binary parents, another calls her “yifu” (a made-up Cantonese term merging aunt and uncle), and she’s also called “tíe,” the gender-neutral term in Spanish.
In 2025, Patel changed her career from the charity sector to childcare, wanting to surround herself with the free and dynamic energy only kids have. She first became a nanny for a six-month-old, where the parents lovingly referred to her as “Uncle Henna.” With babies, gender is easy, but older kids like Ana are curious and ask questions. When Ana asked, “Why are you a they?” Patel simplified: “I’m not a boy, or a girl. I’m in the middle. Just a bit different.” Ana responded by staring at her, running off, and then coming back with more questions: “but you’re not a boy? And you’re not a girl? You’re just…Henna Benna.”
Learning from Children
Children like Ana and Patel’s niblings ask difficult questions bluntly, but always from curiosity rather than hate. They are sponges, taking in new information daily, and possess an openness that adults, with preconceived ideas about gender from the patriarchy, have strayed away from. Patel believes we need to be more like the kids. With each new generation, this openness and questioning of the world becomes stronger and seeps into life fluidly. The kids may sometimes be a handful, but they are indeed alright.
*Names have been changed. This article was originally published on June 28, 2026.
