Harry and Meghan are returning to the UK, and Paul Baldwin has produced an advice guide for the couple, drawing on a recent Home Office booklet for newcomers. The guide lists eight rules the couple should follow to fit in, from avoiding complaints to respecting the monarchy.
Rules for fitting in
The first rule addresses whining, noting that most people in the UK do not tolerate privileged multi-millionaires complaining about their lives. The official advice, Baldwin writes, is to grow up.
On self-importance, he says most Britons live quiet lives and have low tolerance for what he calls "breezeblock thick babble" presented as insight on media outlets. He also advises against bad-mouthing Britain while benefiting from it, warning that people dislike being second choice.
Monarchy and privacy
Baldwin states that the King or Queen exists outside politics and symbolises a united Britain, adding that attacking the monarch means attacking everyone. His official advice is to "grovel on your bellies and beg forgiveness."
He also notes the UK has an excellent range of jams and marmalades, and says Americans are not needed to sell "spread" for ten quid a pop. On privacy, he points out that people do not usually launch publicity campaigns to demand privacy, nor release biographies dishing dirt on family members for cash.
Shut up and family life
Baldwin advises the couple to "just shut up," suggesting they learn from "Uncle Edward," who balances a quiet private life with royal duties. He also says people in the wrong should "man-up," apologise and rebuild bridges with family members, adding that the man should wear the trousers.
He concludes that if they have difficulty with any of these rules, they should call British Airways and ask for a one-way ticket back to Los Angeles.
