A reader regularly hosts a good friend who brings her husband and two dogs that don't get along with the reader's dog and have used the bathroom inside the house. The reader dreads these visits but values the friendship and worries that suggesting a hotel stay would reduce visit frequency.
Advice on addressing the issue
Advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith responds that the reader faces a common dilemma: choosing between social ease of pretending everything is fine or the outcome of confessing it isn't. She notes the friend should have considered that others might not see her dogs the same way, and that some dog owners forget social rules when dogs are involved.
Gordon-Smith, a self-described lifelong dog person, acknowledges that while she doesn't mind muddy paw prints, some dog people assume everyone shares their view. The reader's polite help with cleaning may have inadvertently downplayed the disruption.
Proposing a solution
She suggests a simple request: "Would love to have you stay! I'm sorry to ask, but could this visit be without the dogs? Ours has been stressed out by having other animals in the house." This approach avoids a white lie, which could unravel or invite troubleshooting.
Gordon-Smith concludes that while enduring annoyances is part of friendship, it requires the friend's awareness and gratitude. If the friend doesn't recognize the dogs as disruptive, it may be time for more friction. The reader can either point out the issue or decide to live with it.
