The new folk-horror romcom Wicker, which hit cinemas on October 30, has been dubbed an 'instruction manual' for men after a scene where the Wicker man announces household tasks during sex. The technique, which involves telling a partner about chores done or planned without being asked, has been described as a major turn-on for women.
In the film, Fisherwoman Olivia Colman doesn't wish to settle for a man in the village who can't satisfy his wife, so she has one made. The human husbands become threatened by the Wicker man when their spouses grow jealous.
The dirty talk technique
While engaged in missionary sex with the fisherwoman's legs draped over his shoulders, a drop of water leaks from the roof onto her foot. Still thrusting, the Wicker man announces he will fix the roof. It turns out that announcing household tasks that you've done, or plan to do, without being asked is a major turn-on for women.
The work he does to the Fisherwoman's home doesn't go unnoticed by the villagers. One human husband asks: 'What makes you want to do all that anyway; the fence, the doors, the roof even? Does she wear you down with her nagging? Is that it?'
Alexander replies: 'It makes her happy. And then I am happy. And then the bed needs to be fixed.'
Why it works
Psychosexual therapist Becky Crepsley-Fox agrees this can be classed as talking dirty. 'I'd absolutely count it as dirty talk, and for many women it can be genuinely fun to hear,' Becky tells Metro. 'There's something playful about him saying "I've sorted the bins, booked the boiler service and the kids' bags are packed".'
'But the real turn-on is what's underneath it: every job he mentions is one less thing on her mind. Telling her to put her feet up while he does the hoovering can work as a surprisingly effective aphrodisiac.'
The therapist says dirty talk is really anything that helps get you both in the mood. 'Its job is to build anticipation, connection and desire. We tend to think of it as purely sexual, but what turns someone on is personal. For many people, feeling seen and appreciated is far more arousing than anything X-rated. Compliments, praise, and yes, even him letting her know which jobs he's already taken care of can all do the trick.'
This sentiment is echoed by women in Gillian Anderson's book Want, which collates the sexual fantasies of women around the world. One Canadian woman shared hers: 'To have my husband say he's hired a cleaner. To have my husband say he's done the grocery shopping. To have my husband say let's go to the movies. To have my husband say I changed the bed sheets and did the laundry and folded the laundry.'
A British woman shared how she had a 'tendency to take on emotional labour to make life easier for others, making choices and being the driving force' but her sexual fantasy is the opposite. She writes: 'My God, sometimes I just want to surrender. My whole body, all of me – hand it over and let it be completely possessed by someone. No choices to be made.'
A word of warning
While this dirty talk can work well for many couples, what doing housework isn't, is a golden ticket. 'This only works if it's genuine,' Becky warns. 'If the hoovering comes with an expectation of sex as payment, it stops being care and becomes a transaction. The magic is in noticing what your partner needs and acting on it because you want her life to be easier, not because you're keeping score.'
Not all men neglect to nurture their wives in such a way, but there's evidence to suggest it can be a common issue. A Starling Bank study of more than 4,000 couples found that 72% of women say they do the majority of household tasks. A study in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour journal in 2022 found that women in relationships with men who utilised weaponised incompetence and failed to help with chores reported lower sexual desire.
'In my practice, I see the same pattern again and again: men come in believing the problem is the lack of sex, while women feel the problem is everything else,' Becky explains. 'For many women, when a partner stops putting energy into the relationship in other areas, desire and attraction switch off. When a man takes a more proactive approach, it can give his partner space to relax, and when she's relaxed, her desire finally has room to build.'
Once you're out the honeymoon phase, Becky acknowledges it can be tempting to let things slip. 'Most of us start out with the best intentions, but over time it's easy to stop making an effort and start taking our partner for granted,' she says. 'But remember that, for many women, it can be incredibly attractive when a partner takes charge and gets things done without being asked. It shows he's thinking about her and wants to look after her, and that can help her feel cared for in every sense, not just sexually.'
