The new film Wicker, starring Olivia Colman and Alexander Skarsgård, is a raunchy, silly good time, delivering bed-breaking antics and a devoted wicker husband. Based on Ursula Wills' short story The Wicker Husband, the film is all about having a raunchy, silly, good time. The humour is salty, the premise absurd and the language delightfully ripe, from 'twiggy t**t' to describing a period as a 'strawberry week'.
A Tale of an Outcast and a Woven Husband
Colman's Fisherwoman is a smelly outcast in her village, teased and ridiculed by the local women as a spiteful spinster – and led by the pristine Tailor's Wife (Elizabeth Debicki). But when a ritual at a wedding suggests she'll be the next to wed, to the horror of the others, the Fisherwoman decides to take matters into her own hands. She commissions the Basket Weaver (Peter Dinklage, chewing his way through the script's most flowery language) to make her a husband.
The film's extraordinary effects – Skarsgård's incredible wicker costume and prosthetics, designed by industry leaders Wētā Workshop, are all practical – allow his air of handsomeness to even transcend wood. No wonder the Fisherwoman is very pleased.
Acts of Service and Village Panic
But it's not just the Wicker Husband's striking looks that have the village gossiping, it's also his dedication to his new wife. In the throes of climax, the bed breaks. 'Bring me a hammer, I will fix it,' he announces. Mid-thrust during another energetic interlude, he notices a hole in the roof allowing rainwater to drip onto the Fisherwoman's sole. 'Bring me a ladder, I will fix it.'
It's these acts of service that seem to baffle the locals most of all (as well as the cacophony of sexual sounds emitting from the Fisherwoman's cottage) – and certainly the men, as they begin to see their wives enchanted by his straightforward attitude, and panic. One local woman intends to ask the Wicker Husband to dance with her at a wedding after observing him and the Fisherwoman dancing to the beat of their own drum with romantic steps; hearing him earnestly declare 'you are the reason I live and breathe' to his wife though sees her promptly bottle it. One manly conversation at the Inn then sees the Baker (Ben Ashenden) break down and beg the Wicker Husband to sleep with his disinterested wife (Ella Bruccoleri) – and that's where all the trouble begins.
A Film for the Girls and the Gays
Wicker is a simple tale of human weakness and jealousy at its heart, and in that regard, it won't surprise you. But it doesn't go in particularly hard on a deeper meaning – and I don't think that's the point. Sometimes films are just here to entertain and fulfil your silly fantasies, and that's absolutely enough.
Wicker has had a hard time with some of the male critics so far, but with respect to my esteemed colleagues I simply say: this film is not for you. Like Wuthering Heights earlier this year – and perhaps even more so – it's one for the girls, and the gays. Trust us when we say we enjoyed it. And if any man wants any pointers with women, simply take a leaf out of the Wicker Husband's book and channel your very best timber knight for your soft-bodied female animal of choice.
Amid the current chaos of our planet, and where readers seek refuge in romantasy, Alexander Skarsgård's Wicker Husband is truly the leading man for our times, and Wicker is the film. Bawdy, bonkers and brilliant. Wicker is in cinemas from Friday.
