Every day, the Daily Star's agony aunt Jane O'Gorman tackles readers' issues with straight-talking advice. From bedroom confessions to self-confidence, drug use and more, she has helped thousands. Write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Overwhelmed by Girlfriend's Sex Drive
A reader writes: 'My new girlfriend is too horny for me. We moved in together last month but she’s on top of me virtually every minute of the day and night. The other evening, I literally had to lift her off my lap as I attempted to watch the footie. My brother is working in Spain for two years so we’re housesitting his place, but I’m struggling to keep my end up. She’s got tremendous energy and says she’s addicted to me. The other night she suggested ‘shaking things up’ with new partners. I’m not into that. We have tried sex toys but I didn’t like them either. How do I deal with her?'
Jane says: 'Clearly this is your honeymoon period, and your new partner is highly excited. But you must speak up if you’re feeling overwhelmed. Talk to her about ideas that are mutually acceptable to you. Ask her to be honest with you about her needs and expectations – and then explain yours. Couples with differing sex drives often get round this by having a sex contract: you take it in turns to call ‘yes or no’ with Sunday being a day off for both of you. Would something like this work for you? Ultimately, if you’re not matched, then this is something that you need to discuss too. Hopefully she will start to calm down soon, but what you can’t do is pretend to be something you’re not.'
Partner Hooked on Porn and Gaming
Another reader says: 'I resent the amount of time my partner spends on his laptop. He’s hooked on social media, gaming and porn. I’m no prude, because I like looking at sexy stuff too (threesomes are my thing), but even I know when it’s time to bring the lid down and go for a walk or a drink and do something else. Sadly, he has no on/off button to speak of. I find this behaviour selfish and childish, but he becomes very defensive if I dare to criticise how he spends his spare time.'
Jane advises: 'We live in an age dominated by tempting on-line content. Your man is by no means alone in his excessive habits, but that doesn’t make life any easier for you. Beg him to pull the plug for an all-important chat. Suggest a fresh start and some interesting outings. See if you can both agree to limit computer use to a set amount of time a day. If either of you do feel you have a problem with porn or an addiction, then speak to your GP. However, if all you keep getting are knock backs, then you need to talk about commitment and what your relationship has turned into.'
Considering Online Sex Work
A third reader writes: 'I’m thinking of becoming an on-line sex worker. Just a few clients/shows in the afternoons to keep my spirits up. I’m broadminded, enjoy showing off and the extra cash would come in handy. I’m currently single and no one need know my saucy secret. I hear the work is easy.'
Jane responds: 'If you’re bored, then sort your life out. Find a job, retrain, see friends, help the needy and be a better person. The idea of putting on sordid afternoon shows for sad punters sounds utterly soul destroying. You may consider yourself broadminded, but you really don’t know what you’ll be letting yourself in for or what you’ll be expected to do. What about your long-term mental health? I have to believe that you are better than this.'
