If you have a problem that needs solving and you don't know where to turn, look no further. Every day, the Daily Star's very own agony aunt Jane O'Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice. From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues, drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn't slowing down. If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Her Body Repels Me
I'm the first to admit that I'm no saint. I'm married but I'm a player. I've had affairs with colleagues over the years, plus numerous one-night stands. No mistress or stranger has ever complained about my performance in the bed. I'm a stud. The problem is that I can't make love to my own wife. I can't rise to the occasion and make her smile. Touching her naked body feels so wrong. Every time she strips off, I shudder with repulsion. The issue is that she's too familiar. My rejection breaks her heart, but there's nothing I can do. We met at college as teens. In the early days our sex life was red hot but now she's more like a mate or a sister to me. A couple of weeks ago we went to Spain together. I know she was expecting romantic meals and early nights, but I found an excuse to spend every night at the bar. I pretended I was pursuing a business opportunity. One night I got off with a fellow holidaymaker (a much younger woman) who was there with her mates. We had a brilliant time, and I didn't stagger back to my room until 4am. On the very last day my wife screamed: 'I want sex tonight' but even then, I bottled it by pretending to have an upset stomach. Now we're barely talking and her two best friends are ganging up on me saying I'm the worst husband on the planet. I don't disagree with them. I am a terrible person, but I can't help it if I don't fancy her, can I?
JANE SAYS: You're never going to heal or improve relations with your wife while you're still messing around with other women. You need to stop right there and put everything into perspective. Who is the most important woman in your life? Presumably it's your wife. So why are you treating her so shabbily? Why aren't you putting as much energy, time and enthusiasm into fixing your tired marriage as into chatting up other girls? Of course, long-term relationships can get stale and tired. Sleeping in the same bed, with the same person every night can become predictable. So that is why every successful relationship must be a work in progress. If the thought of having sex with your wife repels you, because she's too familiar, then you must make the effort to shake things up again. Go on 'blind dates' and have some fun. Get dressed up for each other; flirt; be affectionate and make time for your marriage. If you really can't bear to touch her, then tell her that you are struggling and arrange couples' therapy. She deserves some honesty and some answers – and you'd better start giving them or you're going to lose her. It's often said that familiarity breeds contempt, but it's not your poor wife's fault that you and she have been together for a long time. I must confess that I don't like your attitude or your tone. If I'm not mistaken you almost sound proud of your cheating and slippery ways. Not cool. Personally, I think she'd be better off without you.
Lifetime of Lies
I was raised by my grandmother who told me that my absent mum was an international businesswoman and my rarely spotted dad worked abroad on special missions for the Foreign Office. I'm in my thirties and now know that they were a pair of pathetic crooks. They ripped off innocent people and spent years behind bars. Occasionally they'd turn up with an ostentatious gift and I'd cheek and shun my granny for them. Now I feel guilty for disrespecting her when she did so much for me. I had no idea what was going on behind the scenes.
JANE SAYS: You were a child. You had no idea what was going on. Your grandmother clearly loved you and did her best to love and protect you. Sadly, you've finally discovered that your parents were not the people you thought they were. You were shielded from an early age. Your parents may not have been perfect, but at least your lovely granny sacrificed her life for you and truly loved you. Not once do you mention being abused, hurt or neglected. Your GP can help regarding counselling. You can't go through the rest of your life feeling bitter, guilty or angry. Start being kinder to yourself. Let the past go and vow to embrace the future. Be the best person you can be and do your granny proud.
World Cup
My boyfriend has finally agreed to get a place with me. The problem is where to put down roots. I'm keen to stay near to my parents. He wants to go out into the countryside. The endless rows are driving me insane. The latest thing is that we must have a spare bedroom so that his wayward brother always has a place to stay whenever he goes off the rails. I accuse my guy of moving the goal posts. He accuses me of being inflexible. What's the solution?
JANE SAYS: Sounds to me as if your guy is pushing every one of your buttons in turn. He's moving the goal posts so far apart they'll be able to use them for the World Cup. It's worrying that neither of you are willing to compromise and talk like adults. This doesn't bode well for the future. If you feel that your man is trying to take you away from your family, then you need to discuss the practicalities of his thinking. If the truth is that you're both going through the motions, because you think this should be the next stage, then be honest about your true feelings and commitment to each other. Do you even have a long-term future together?
School Daze
I don't want to attend my school reunion. The thought of seeing my old classmates again fills me with dread. Despite being married, successful and happy now, I was always the boring one. My best friend is attending and says I need to get over myself and stick my chest out. Why?
JANE SAYS: The fact is that if you haven't bothered to keep in touch with the majority of your class, then they can't have meant that much to you. Accept that you've moved on and you're a different person now. Just because you went to a certain school doesn't mean that you owe anyone any kind of loyalty. If seeing your old classmates is going to knock your confidence and set you back again, then tell everyone you're busy.
