Hayden Panettiere, the former child star of Heroes and Nashville, has released a harrowing new memoir titled This Is Me. In it, she details her journey from teen sensation to struggling with addiction, postpartum depression, and an abusive relationship. Speaking exclusively, she reflects on her estrangement from her mother, the loss of a career-changing role, and her path to reclaiming her narrative.
The Panic Room Revelation
Panettiere recently learned the truth about why she was fired from David Fincher's 2002 thriller Panic Room. At age 11, she was told she was let go due to the departure of original star Nicole Kidman. In reality, Fincher wanted her to stay on with Jodie Foster but asked her mother, Lesley Vogel, if Panettiere could cut her hair into a bob to match Foster. Vogel refused. 'I was so out of the loop,' Panettiere says. 'I think a lot about what my life could have been like if I did that film.' She recently met her replacement, Kristen Stewart, and finally found closure.
A Complicated Mother-Daughter Relationship
Panettiere's mother, a former actor herself, was a dominant figure in her early career. Panettiere cut professional ties with Vogel at age 19, begging her to just be a mother. Vogel responded, 'You owe me,' and walked out. They are currently estranged. 'Having a normal relationship with me wasn't something that interested her,' Panettiere says. Despite this, she writes about Vogel with empathy, acknowledging her complexity. Vogel later released statements condemning Panettiere for inventing 'drama to sell books.'
Early Fame and Its Pitfalls
Panettiere found early success in films like Remember the Titans and Ice Princess, but she struggled with loneliness and fear of rejection. She watched Lindsay Lohan with envy, feeling ill-equipped for the spotlight. Her star-making role in Heroes (2006) was a phenomenon, but the show's quality declined. 'I would love to do a show that was good all the way through,' she jokes.
Dark Times and Abuse
After her professional split from her mother, Panettiere fell in with older women who exploited her. One attempted to coerce her into sex work on a superyacht. 'I was looking for family,' she says. Her relationship with boxer Wladimir Klitschko ended in a custody battle over their daughter Kaya. She then entered an abusive relationship with estate agent Brian Hickerson, who pleaded no contest to injuring her. Panettiere says the press defamed her, claiming she willingly gave up custody. She and Klitschko are now on good terms, and she speaks to Kaya daily.
Writing as Healing
Panettiere hopes her memoir clears up misconceptions and helps others. 'I had to learn not to be afraid of what people would think,' she says. She is focused on sobriety, creativity, and future projects, including writing, producing, and a jewellery line. 'I've made my share of mistakes, but I've always stood up again,' she adds. Despite her struggles, she finds purpose in creativity. 'I've got plenty of issues, but finding meaning in life isn't one of them.'
