The Daily Star has compiled a light-hearted ranking of history's toughest figures, from notorious criminals to legendary warriors, culminating in a hypothetical 'battle royale' to determine the hardest man of all time. The article, framed as an ambitious and ultimately flawed attempt, pits figures like Genghis Khan and Bear Grylls against each other in a wrestling ring scenario, akin to WWE's Royal Rumble but with historical and fictional characters.
Charles Bronson: Britain's Most Violent Prisoner
Dubbed Britain's 'most violent' prisoner, Charles Bronson has spent over three decades in prison. During the 1970s and 1980s, he frequently took hostages in his cell. His reputation for causing chaos led to him serving time at almost 120 different institutions. He has since changed his last name to Salvador, after his painting hero Dali, and lives a more peaceful life inside, but he remains someone you wouldn't want to cross. Hardness rating: 7/10.
Bear Grylls: Survivalist with a Catch
Bear Grylls is considered tough, but only when he has room to manoeuvre and can drink his own urine for survival. If constrained, he might struggle. Grylls made his name surviving brutal weather and ferocious beasts in the wild, though it later emerged that he and his team often retired to nearby hotels instead of sleeping rough as the show claimed. Despite this, his willingness to drink litres of his own urine for 'survival reasons' suggests a certain madness that could translate into a fight. However, having attended Eton, he probably wouldn't last long in the battle royale. Hardness rating: 2/10.
Al Capone: Prohibition-Era Crime Boss
Notorious mobster Al Capone controlled one of the world's most notorious crime organisations during Prohibition-era America in the 1920s. He took down all comers and, despite having an army of Chicago gangsters, wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty, known to have assassinated several rival gang leaders himself. He'd be a strong contender for victory, as long as his hordes of dedicated killers weren't too far behind. Hardness rating: 8/10.
Blackbeard: The Fearsome Pirate
Blackbeard instilled terror as he and his crew carved their way around the seas in the 18th century. According to witnesses, he was a vicious killer in hand-to-hand combat. He looked 'like the devil' due to the lit hemp woven into his massive black beard, which shrouded his face with smoke. In his final stand-off with the Royal Navy in 1718, despite being outnumbered, he killed several military men and had to be shot and stabbed numerous times before he succumbed. He'd likely do well in a fight. Hardness rating: 6/10.
Oliver Reed: Hellraiser Extraordinaire
Actor Oliver Reed might be a surprise inclusion, not for his fighting prowess but for his resilience in the pub. Throughout the 1960s and 1970s, the Gladiator star was Britain's most notorious hellraiser, on par with Ozzy Osbourne and Keith Moon. His unhinged behaviour at closing time often invited trouble, but he could swing a punch when needed. Once, he defended his homosexual friend from an aggressor and got bottled in the face. His biggest complaint was having to drink pints with a straw for months afterwards. Hardness rating: 5/10.
Genghis Khan: Conqueror of Empires
Genghis Khan presided over the largest empire the world has ever seen, and historians estimate he was responsible for around 40 million deaths. He survived a harsh childhood roaming the Mongolian steppes after his father was killed, and as a teenager, he rose by killing everyone who opposed him, including his half-brother. He's well-suited to a battle royale, though he had an extreme fear of dogs, so perhaps just woof at him and hope for the best. Hardness rating: 7/10.
Tank Man of Tiananmen Square: Symbol of Bravery
In April 1989, the Chinese military killed an estimated 10,000 peaceful protesters occupying Tiananmen Square. The next morning, as a line of tanks moved towards the area, an anonymous, unarmed man leapt in front of the column and stopped the engines of war. Although it's unclear what became of 'Tank Man' afterwards (he was likely executed), he became a symbol of peaceful protest and individual bravery. He's definitely got the minerals, though he might not be agile given his massive, titanium balls. Hardness rating: 4/10.
Bigfoot: The Mythical Ape Wins
The mythological ape Bigfoot isn't known for violence, and the Daily Star views the Sasquatch as a peaceful recluse, a gentle soul akin to Sir David Attenborough or playwright Alan Ayckbourn. However, if he did exist, he'd probably handle himself in a scrap, with Chewbacca-style arm-tearing or a flying, hairy headbutt. Hardness rating: 10/10. Of course, Bigfoot is winning this whole thing – this is the Daily Star, not a sincere documentary presented by Simon Schama. Did you think it was going to be Al Capone? Don't be silly, Bigfoot has that fat mobster on toast every day of the bloody week.
