The Conservatives and Labour have traded blows with rival spoofs of the Bayeux Tapestry. The 11th-century embroidery, which depicts the Battle of Hastings and the end of Anglo-Saxon rule, is drawing large crowds at the British Museum, where it is on display after being loaned by the French government.
Delegates at the Tory conference in Birmingham, however, have been able to skip the queues to view an 88-ft long mock-up dubbed the 'Birmingham Tapestry'. The Conservatives used it to stitch up a narrative of party leader Kemi Badenoch as a conquering hero, taking aim at Labour and Reform.
Tory Tapestry Mocks Labour Figures
The spoof tapestry retells the last two years from a Tory slant, showing the fall of Keir Starmer and the rise of Andy Burnham. Chancellor John Healey is seen shooting an arrow at taxpayers, trying to grab cash from a magic money tree and elsewhere plucking a golden goose. His predecessor Rachel Reeves is shown handing out bags of gold.
Angela Rayner is regularly pictured vaping, while Burnham is mocked for his running gear in a pair of short shorts and pictured sewing an extra star onto an EU flag. Nigel Farage is also depicted having a hissy fit over questions about his finances, and his famous by-election contest with Count Binface is immortalised.
Labour Responds With Its Own Version
There were several images of a tiny, wailing Robert Jenrick. The Tory defector is shown no mercy in the pictures, including a scene of him weeping when Ms Badenoch triumphs over him in the Tory leadership contest in 2024. Another part depicts the moment that she "expelleth the turncoat" as he plotted his defection to Reform.
Labour hit back with their own version, saying: "Anyone can make an AI slop Bayeux Tapestry." Their version depicts the moment "Liz Truss crasheth the economy", with the 49-day PM riding a white horse clutching her mini Budget. Peasants crawl along the floor trying to gather up coins as markets crash and the pound slumps.
In another panel, Ms Truss is slumped to the floor, outlasted by a lettuce wearing a crown, after the Daily Star's famous stunt pitting the length of her premiership against the life of an iceberg lettuce. Boris Johnson's lockdown parties are also recreated, as the mop-headed ex-PM and boozing lackeys dance clutching goblets, as the police look on.
