A reader has asked for advice on whether to contact a former friend who told a "spectacular lie" and has since been living alone. The reader, writing to Coleen, explained that the lie was serious enough that she and a couple of other friends stopped speaking to the woman several years ago.
The reader recently learned through a friend of her mother's that the former friend seems lonely. She now feels guilty, thinking the woman "probably wouldn't have told that lie unless she was feeling really messed up and desperate," and wonders if she should have shown more empathy at the time.
Reaching Out Without Resuming Close Friendship
Coleen believes the idea is a good one. She says that even if nothing comes of it or the former friend "tells you to sling your hook," the reader will feel better for having tried. Coleen suggests the initial message should simply say that she has been wanting to reconnect to find out how the woman is doing and that she hopes she is OK.
One conversation may be enough for both to agree to let bygones be bygones, or they might occasionally catch up or reconnect on social media. It does not mean they have to go back to being close friends.
Forgiveness Brings Peace
Coleen notes that reaching out could make a big difference to the former friend if she is feeling stuck, and it gives the reader a chance to close that chapter in a better way. The woman might feel less bad about her part in what happened, which could help her move forward.
Coleen says she has always believed in forgiveness because "it frees you from holding on to negativity, bitterness or resentment." It does not mean forgetting what happened or keeping people in your life who have let you down, but it does bring peace. She adds that if the reader makes the first move, the other friends might follow.
