A Liverpool-mad father had his wedding wish granted by hospice staff, who also arranged a message from Reds legend Jamie Carragher, before he died aged 51 on Father's Day. Damien Coakley met his wife Antoinette Carney, as she was known at the time, in 2009 when he walked into the Tesco shop where she and some of his friends were working and joined in the joking and “banter”.
He came back later that day and “plucked up the courage” to ask for her phone number, leading to a date in Bray, Ireland, on the same day as the Wimbledon final – with Damien adamant he did not mind if she watched it before coming to meet him. Antoinette took it literally and showed up hours late to their first date.
Antoinette said: “He always slagged me over that – we had a great relationship with fun and banter.” Outside his joking and sociability, she said Damien was known for always thinking of others first, including her, his daughter Leah from a previous relationship, and later the child he would share with Antoinette, Mia.
A Family Bond Built on Jokes
Antoinette said: “Their relationship was amazing. From the age she was able to talk, he’d be making sure that she was slagging me and having a laugh – and because we weren’t married and the odd time he would call me by second name, Mia picked up on that – and even till this day, she still calls me Carney.
“It was always the two of them against me that they had the same second name.” Antoinette would joke back that she would “never want to be a Coakley” and that “the Carneys are better”, adding: “If people didn’t know they’d think ‘that’s a bit weird’ but it’s just the way we were.”
The jokes continued in their happy family life in Wicklow and holidays abroad, but their lives changed when Damien was diagnosed with cancer in 2021. He went through several treatments, including radium and chemotherapy, as he tried to live “as normal as he possibly could” for his daughters.
Hospice Staff Arrange Intimate Wedding
However, his situation deteriorated with infection between April and the end of 2024 – leading them to be told “they couldn’t do anything else” by February last year, and the couple checking out Our Lady’s Hospice in Wicklow, Ireland, part of Together for Hospice. While Antoinette found it difficult and “cried every single day”, Damien decided he “had a good life” and “did not want to be a burden”, adding: “I know I can pass away here.”
He said he made that decision for his family – and she feels she needs to carry on that legacy. Antoinette said the care and support provided to the whole family was “fantastic” and a “totally different concept to the hospital”, adding that they made them feel “at home”. She said: “The connection as a family that we all made with every single person up there was amazing. They just did everything for us, and they looked after all of us.”
Despite the Coakley-Carney rivalry – and with Mia’s help – Damien had proposed to Antoinette before entering the hospice, but his deteriorating health meant conversations around a wedding were put aside. On becoming aware of their wish to get married, a hospice social worker Gráinne quickly suggested and was able to arrange everything for them to hold a small, intimate wedding at the centre.
A Message from Jamie Carragher
In a flurry, rings, a suit and a dress were purchased, a celebrant who incorporated their sense of humour – including Roger Federer jokes – was arranged, and a room at the hospice was set up for the wedding. Antoinette said: “I just wanted Damien to get through the day without pain and not having to be fussed around – but now, like looking back in the photos, it’s just lovely to have, and another gift that was given to us from the hospice.”
Gráinne, who acted as matron of honour, also arranged a wedding message from Reds legend Jamie Carragher for the Liverpool-mad family. After their “lovely” day, Damien fought on for several more weeks. Surrounded by loved ones and after playing Kodaline’s All I Want, Damien died aged 51 shortly after midnight on June 15 – Father’s Day.
Antoinette said: “I have every belief that he did hang on, he had such a special bond with the girls, and he was so proud that he was a dad.” Antoinette said that without the services, her husband’s wishes to die at the hospice instead of home would not have been met.
Encouraging Support for Hospice Care
She said: “I wouldn’t have been able to be his wife and we wouldn’t have been able to care for him the way that the hospice cared for us. “We wouldn’t have had the fun – we still were able to be ourselves, and if we were at home we wouldn’t have been ourselves. “There would have been extra strain on our family, and he would have been in more pain. He got to go the way he wanted to go.”
She is now encouraging others to support a national fundraiser for hospice care in September by donating or taking part in coffee mornings across the country. She will host a coffee morning at her employer's in the Ballybrack Tesco as part of “Ireland’s Biggest Coffee Morning for Hospice” on September 24.
Antoinette said: “We built relationships with people who really care for other families and put us ahead of their own families. “We had people by our sides throughout all of this, and if it takes someone having a cup of coffee to tell people how they feel, or if they need help in any way, not just the hospice, that people just talk and take care of each other and be there for each other.”
