Ex-Girlfriend Won't Move On
A man wrote to agony aunt Jane O'Gorman after his ex-girlfriend, who dumped him in March, keeps sending flirty messages, popping round, and asking for sex, money, and a fresh start. They have ended up in bed a few times, leaving him feeling terrible. Every time he starts seeing someone new, she makes trouble. He says: 'I’m not completely heartless; breaking up has been tough, especially as we were together for three years. But she ended things with me, and I don’t see why I should feel responsible. Do you?'
Jane says: 'Your ex realises that she made a mistake in walking out on you and is now trying every trick in the book to lure you back. I worry that you’re simply being too nice. I understand that you were very close for a while, but those days are over. The old relationship ended the day she walked away from you. Now you’re moving on and she must too. I agree that making a final break is very hard, but she’s an adult and needs to pull herself up to her full height. The fact is that she can’t have her foot in two camps; she can’t demand her freedom but keep coming back to you. Warn her that you won’t be having any more to do with her from today - or you’ll never recover.'
Brother-in-Law's Outburst
Another reader complained about being broke during a restaurant meal with her sister and brother-in-law. He flipped out, called her privileged and spoilt, and gave a lecture about world poverty and British suffering, making her feel small. She muttered 'Sorry' and left. She now doesn't know where she stands. Her sister begs her not to make a fuss, and she can't tell her parents because they already hate him and call him a bully.
Jane says: 'I don’t think you should hide this information from your parents. Maybe you need to accept that you and your brother-in-law will never see eye-to-eye. Perhaps you were guilty of being flippant, but he certainly overreacted. I’m sure he’ll argue that he can say anything he likes, but you don’t have to tolerate him again. Tell your sister that you now need some space. Will your brother-in-law ever apologise? Probably not. If he really is a bully them, hopefully, your sister will start to see him for the person he really is and think about getting out.'
