A sex worker and dominatrix who has been a Christian for 12 years has explained why her faith and her profession are not contradictory, and why the Church must speak honestly about bodies, power and desire.
Melissa Todd, a writer and performer, has worked as a sex worker for 30 years and as a dominatrix and kink model for the last 20. She attends Margate Union Church, which she describes as a passionately inclusive place of worship that knows about her work and welcomes her all the same. The church has even invited her to give a talk on kink and Christianity this month.
Why the Church must speak honestly about sex
Todd argues that for too long in the Christian faith, sex and sexuality have been regarded as an issue to be ignored or a problem to be solved. She says that if the Church cannot speak honestly about bodies, power and desire, it leaves those conversations to places and people less concerned with love, dignity and holiness.
She points to conversion therapy pushed by those with misguided interpretations of the Old Testament, and the misplaced guilt young Catholic girls can feel around sex, particularly if it ends in unwanted pregnancy. Studies have found religious people are more likely to have negative views on premarital, teenage and extramarital sex, and the Rainbow Index of Churches shows both England's Catholic Church and the Church of England have a long way to go before being fully LGBTQ+ inclusive.
How kink and Christianity connect
Todd says that when examined carefully, certain dynamics in consensual kink illuminate longstanding Christian theological themes rather than contradict them. Both rely on ritual to establish roles and boundaries, whether contracts and collars or genuflection and rosaries; both involve acts of devotion that may seem extreme to outsiders but are understood as loving and meaningful within their communities. Both communities are often misjudged and misunderstood by outsiders.
She adds that in both cases, submission is not regarded as weakness but as a meaningful act that deepens connections and gives life purpose, and both are centred around redemption through suffering. Ethical relationships, she says, depend on truth about what we want, our limits and the way power moves between us.
A client's transformation
Todd describes a 76-year-old man who came to see her after hiding his desires his entire life. He left her playroom looking like decades of burden and care had left him, with his shoulders back and head held high. She says it is a privilege to play a part in that transformation, and suspects he may have experienced his first glimmer of spirituality.
