Yashita Banymadhub, a freelance writer, has faced bullying over her name throughout her life, from schoolyard taunts to adult mockery. Despite the pain, she now refuses to change it and has learned to love her heritage.
Schoolyard taunts and a teacher's cruelty
At age 14, on a school trip to Normandy, a friend mocked her name, saying, 'Your name's got s**t in it.' This was not the first time she had been taunted about her name, Yashita. The friend, referred to as Rachel, aimed to bring her down after another girl complimented her figure. Yashita shrugged and said nothing, fearing Rachel's mood swings.
Like most Mauritians, Yashita had multiple names: a formal one, Yashita, and a family name, Neerma, which she used at home. When she moved to the UK before age 10, no one could pronounce Neerma, so she stopped using it, even though it was the name she most identified with. She had already learned to change herself to accommodate white people.
Racist remarks at school became frequent enough to bury her confidence. Some popular girls composed a song: 'Yashitty your poo is big and green. Yashitty, you smell like Vaseline.' Her P.E. teacher also joined in, deliberately calling her 'Yashitty' during roll call without masking her laughter. The whole class laughed. This became a weekly occurrence, leading Yashita to skip P.E. by claiming period pains.
A desire to change and a decision to stay
At age 14, after a tearful conversation with her mother, she agreed to a potential name change if Yashita was sure. Yashita ultimately did not change her name because she did not want the racist bullies to win, but she unofficially shortened it to 'Yashi' at university. She has used this abbreviation as a journalist ever since.
In adulthood, her last name, Banymadhub, has also been mocked. A customer service assistant once called it 'an interesting collection of letters.' Yashita wanted to say it was the name of her grandparents and great-grandparents who survived forced displacement, colonisation, and indentured labour, a name she is proud of.
Healing and pride
Now, Yashita realises the issue is with racist people, not her identity, though it took therapy to get there. She has called out racism when others mocked names, such as the Indian last name 'Dixit' during a university ski trip. The bullying has left scars, including social anxiety and discomfort in large groups.
Learning about other South Asian names like Ishita, Akshita, and Khushita helped her feel less alone. She is now proud and protective of her name, no longer wishing to change it. She does not correct people who call her Yashita instead of Yashi. Ridding herself of internalised racism is a neverending lesson in self-acceptance, as James Baldwin put it, 'vomiting up all the filth I'd been taught about myself, and half-believed.' The name that once made her flinch now brings compassion for her younger self and pride in her heritage.
