Daily Star's agony aunt Jane O'Gorman is offering advice to readers facing difficult personal and professional situations. She addresses two letters: one from a man burdened by constant financial demands from family and friends, and another from a worker frustrated by a colleague's perceived laziness.
Family and friends as financial drains
A male reader, who runs his own business, describes his family and friends as "a bunch of leeches." He supports his poverty-stricken parents, an unemployed girlfriend who insists she is "between jobs and 'resting'," and his brothers, including a 28-year-old who still receives help with rent, car, and holidays. He also pays for repairs to his parents' home and recently refused a request from his girlfriend's cousin for money for a boob job.
His best friend has also called, asking for help with his mortgage again. The reader feels that because he owns a business, everyone assumes he is wealthy.
Jane's advice on setting boundaries
Jane O'Gorman advises the reader to review his spending. "It's vital that you take care of your own mental health and recognise your limits, otherwise you won't be able to work or cope – and then everyone will suffer," she says. She suggests creating a fresh budget, working out income and outgoings, and being honest with family about reality.
She questions why the girlfriend cannot take any job to tide her over, stating: "She may have grand plans, but you are not her personal cash machine." Jane also recommends the reader ask his parents if they need to downsize or speak to social services for benefits. She advises calling a family meeting and making it clear that "there is no such thing as a free ride."
Workplace frustration with a colleague
Another reader complains about a colleague who arrives late at 9.30am, spends 30 minutes doing makeup, then goes to the canteen for breakfast, and finally starts work around 11am after personal phone calls. The colleague also takes long lunches and leaves early.
Jane advises against seething, as it leads to bitterness. She suggests keeping a diary and speaking to a boss or HR department. "The fact is that there are backsliders everywhere, but you’re entitled to speak up," she says.
