Every day, the Daily Star's agony aunt Jane O'Gorman is on hand to tackle readers' issues with straight-talking but sound advice. From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues, drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of readers over the years and isn't slowing down.
Readers can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Circus tricks
A reader says her partner has gone off sex. They moved in together last September, and she expected nightly lovemaking, but he recoils when she touches him and feels insulted when she asks him to perform. He shouts that he's not a circus animal and that she's insensitive for expecting him to 'put on a show' on command. He rants that she should learn to restrain herself and show respect.
She works full-time too and is still up for fun. She has tried to explain that she loves and desires him, but he calls her a sex addict and accuses her of listening to too many sex-related podcasts and having unrealistic expectations. At a recent BBQ, he joshed with other guys making crude jokes about women and sex, but hasn't touched her in months. She wonders if he could be a desensitised porn addict.
In the cab home, she called him out, and he accused her of doing him down. He muttered something about hating sex and finding it too messy and unnecessary. She says this isn't the relationship she signed up to, as all her ex-boyfriends were loving and amorous.
Jane says: "Your man isn't being true to you, and I don't believe that he's being true to himself either." If he's under pressure at work or struggling to perform because he's emotionally or physically ill, he needs to see his GP. If he's wrestling with his true sexuality, an addiction to porn, or has another lover, that needs to be brought out into the open. Jane asks if he's willing to meet her halfway and talk openly, and if not, whether they are really suited.
Jane suggests talking away from the bedroom and notes that living together doesn't bind them forever. "The fact is that not all relationships work out as we think they're going to," she says. "Ultimately, don't waste any more time if you're not making each other happy."
New man
Another reader is suspicious because her boyfriend has changed his hairstyle, lost weight, and treated himself to a new wardrobe. He looks great, but she hardly recognises him, and when she suggests going out somewhere special, he says he's too busy. She wonders if he could be cheating.
Jane says: "Stop second-guessing and start finding out what's going on." There's nothing wrong with a guy losing weight and smartening himself up, but if she honestly feels he could be cheating, she's got to ask him to come clean. If she's not satisfied with his answers, she'll have to turn detective. "What you can't do is risk your sexual health if he IS having sex with someone else," Jane says.
