A simple question about children's birthday party etiquette has sparked a heated debate on social media, with parents divided over whether guests should ever be expected to pay to attend a kid's party.
Question Sparks Heated Discussion
Posting in the parenting Facebook group, Family Lowdown Tips & Ideas, one parent admitted to being surprised after receiving several invitations to multiple primary school birthday parties where parents were asked to cover their own child's entry fee to the venue of choice. The perplexed parent asked if this practice had become the new normal as the cost of living continues to rise and asked others in the Facebook group for their opinions and whether or not they had experienced this before.
They wrote: "What's the norm with kids birthday parties these days? Recently we've been invited to a few school friends (primary age) birthdays and the parents are asking attendees to pay for their own entry fees. What's peoples thoughts on this? It is normal? It's not something i've ever experienced. Trying to work out if times have changed and this is now the norm?"
Asking for advice, they then added: "What's the protocol? If you pay to attend do you still buy the gift for the birthday girl/boy?"
Parents Outraged at the Idea
The post quickly attracted hundreds of reactions, with many parents taking to the comment section to insist they would never ask guests to pay to attend a birthday party. One person replied: "No that's not a party. That's a play date with the expectation of a birthday present," as another agreed, writing: "No if they have said it's a party but you have to pay it's not a party."
Meanwhile others felt that if a venue was too expensive, parents should either cut back on who their child invites or choose a cheaper option instead. with one blunt comment reading: "If you cannot afford for everyone at a particular venue, invite less guests or change venue." Another added: "You shouldn't be asked to pay anything if someone is holding a party for their child. If they can't pay for it, don't do one!"
Budget-Friendly Alternatives Shared
Several parents in the comments revealed how they had managed to celebrate their child's birthday on a budget without asking guests to contribute anything towards it. With one mum explaining: "When I've been unable to host a big party, I have hosted a play date for four kids and mine and paid for them all to play and then had a cake and food!! - just not an actual party."
Another wrote: "Nope if you're expected to pay that's not a party. We couldn't afford a party this year. So we invited one friend and his mum to the zoo and paid for them. Also paid for them to have ice cream and her cup of tea, we even gave a small party bag."
Some Defend the Practice
Some commenters were even more blunt, describing the idea as "incredibly rude", while another joked: "Their birthday is the same date each year save up for it." One parent went as far as to compared it to weddings, writing: "What's next? Couples getting married don't have much money so guests can pay for their own food, drink and pay an entrance fee for the venue and entertainment... Also they still expect a gift."
However not everyone thought asking guests to pay was unreasonable, with some arguing that children's parties have become increasingly expensive, particularly at soft play venues and trampoline parks, leaving families with difficult choices. One commenter defended the idea, saying: "Gosh, all these people getting outraged like they're being sent an invoice for party attendance. Child wants to do a specific activity for birthday and would like to do it with friends. If friend want to go and parents can afford it, then they go! If not, they don’t. It's very simple. Nobody is being forced to attend."
While another parent shared their own experience of organising a cost effective birthday party for their child when they were struggling financially as a single mum and university student. They explained: "8 years ago I did exactly this. I was a single parent at uni training to be a nurse. I invited close friends and explained we would be at x place at x time and it'd be great to see them there if they could join us. I lived in a small one bed flat so no space to invite kids over. I think it goes to show how stretched people are. I'm now in a much more fortunate financial position and still wouldn't do a proper kids party as the cost is outrageous."
Unanswered Question Remains
The discussion shows just how much children's birthday parties have changed in recent years, with venue hire, entertainment and food costing up to hundreds of pounds. Although from over 200 comments one question remained unanswered, if you’re paying for your child to attend, should you still be expected to buy a birthday present too?
