A single mother has written to Coleen Nolan for advice after her best friend began taking advantage of their informal childcare swap. The two women, both single mums working part-time, had agreed to look after each other's children without charging, as the arrangement was evenly split. However, the friend has since taken on more work, leaving the letter writer to care for her children more frequently without any offer of payment or even a proper request.
Unbalanced Arrangement
The reader explains that the original agreement was mutually beneficial, but the balance has shifted. She now looks after her friend's kids more often, while her friend earns more money. The reader feels it is unfair and is concerned that her friend did not ask if the extra days were acceptable, simply assuming she would agree. The reader also worries that if she wanted to take on more work herself, the arrangement might not accommodate her needs.
Coleen's Advice
Coleen acknowledges the unfairness and suggests the reader initiate a conversation about future childcare plans. She recommends saying, "I'm so happy you've got more work – well done. Who's looking after the kids on those days? I might be able to help if you're really stuck." This approach opens a dialogue without sounding accusatory. Coleen also proposes that they consider sharing the cost of a childminder for days that fall outside the original agreement, allowing both women the flexibility to take on more work.
Coleen emphasises that while occasional flexibility is fine, a regular weekly imbalance needs addressing. She warns that if the issue is not resolved, resentment will build and damage the friendship. The goal is to create a childcare plan that works for both parties, preserving their supportive relationship.
