Amanda Stanhope, a mother from Manchester, has revealed the horrific abuse she suffered at the hands of her former fiancé, who raped her repeatedly while she lay unconscious after taking sleeping tablets. Each morning, her partner would taunt her with the words: "You had a good night last night," leaving her bewildered and fearing she had Alzheimer's disease. She was later diagnosed with pseudodementia, a condition with dementia-like symptoms caused by depression and trauma. The man was charged with four counts of rape and one count of assault by penetration by Greater Manchester Police but took his own life before trial.
How They Met
Amanda, a mother of two, met her fiancé while dancing with her daughter. She noticed him staring intensely at her from the bar for up to four hours before he approached and kissed her without speaking. She found him charismatic but later discovered he was married. After he claimed to have separated from his wife and was sleeping on a friend's sofa, she offered him a place to stay—a decision she now calls the worst of her life.
Warning Signs
For the first three months, the relationship seemed perfect. He cooked and complimented her, and she thought they were "soulmates." Then, while out with friends, he roughly grabbed her arm, yanked her to the car park, and verbally attacked her for allegedly embarrassing him by dancing with another man. Despite her instinct to leave, she stayed for another five years.
Raped in Her Sleep
One year into the relationship, Amanda was prescribed antidepressants and sleeping tablets for depression and insomnia. Her partner began dropping hints, saying, "You had a good time last night." She recalled: "I'd sit there and think... 'I have no idea what you're talking about.' None at all." She noticed unexplained bruises on her arms and legs and would wake to find a towel beneath her that she did not remember placing. She said: "I thought I had Alzheimer's. It was that bad."
Caught in the Act
Two years into the relationship, Amanda was diagnosed with pseudodementia. During a weekend break, she took more sleeping tablets than prescribed to escape the "mental torture." Her partner called an ambulance, but while waiting, he slapped her and had sex with her while she was barely conscious. She recalled: "I remember lying there thinking 'I can't actually believe what he's doing' because he was getting off on my pain." She confronted him, and he apologized, promising it would never happen again.
Police and Charges
A year later, Amanda woke to find her fiancé raping her again. She said: "I don't believe he ever stopped at all because I still had the weird bruises." She finally ended the relationship, but when he threatened suicide, she let him stay on the sofa. She woke to find him raping her again and reported him to police. It took two years and three months for charges to be filed; he took his own life six weeks later. Amanda said: "I was so angry because of what he put me through."
Campaign and Apology
A Greater Manchester Police spokesperson said: "It is to our regret that Ms Stanhope did not get to see justice fully served. We have written to her to apologise for areas where our service fell below that she had every right to expect." Inspired by Gisele Pelicot, Amanda has joined with fellow survivor Zoe Watts to launch #EndEyeCheck, a campaign to challenge systems that enable men to drug and rape their partners. Their website states: "An online academy is training men how to drug and rape their wives. We're two survivors and we're taking on the system that enables it."
