Amanda Stanhope, a mother of two from Manchester, endured years of sexual abuse by her fiancé, who raped her while she was unconscious from sleeping tablets. She began to fear she had Alzheimer's after waking with unexplained bruises and memory loss. Her partner would taunt her each morning with the words: 'You had a good night last night.'
How the relationship began
Amanda met her fiancé at a bar while dancing with her daughter. He stared at her for four hours before kissing her without speaking. Despite his odd behaviour, she found him charming. She later discovered he was married but he left his wife and moved in with her after she felt sorry for him.
Red flags and abuse
After three months, his behaviour changed. He grabbed her arm and dragged her out of a club, accusing her of embarrassing him. Amanda said she knew she should leave but stayed for five more years. He became controlling and jealous, leading her to take antidepressants and sleeping tablets for depression and insomnia.
Raped while unconscious
One year into the relationship, she began finding bruises and towels beneath her in the morning. Her partner would hint at sexual activity she couldn't recall. She said: 'I thought I had Alzheimer's. It was that bad.' She was diagnosed with pseudodementia, a reversible condition linked to depression.
Caught in the act
Two years in, after taking an overdose of sleeping tablets to escape the mental torture, she woke to find him raping her while she was barely conscious. She confronted him and he apologised, but the abuse continued. She said: 'I don't believe he ever stopped at all because I still had the weird bruises.'
Police involvement and aftermath
After ending the relationship, she found him raping her again after allowing him to sleep on the sofa. She reported him to Greater Manchester Police, but it took two years and three months for charges to be filed. He was charged with four counts of rape and one of assault by penetration, but took his own life six weeks later.
A Greater Manchester Police spokesperson said: 'It is to our regret that Ms Stanhope did not get to see justice fully served at the end of this awful ordeal. We have written to her to apologise for areas where our service fell below that she had every right to expect.'
Campaign for change
Inspired by Gisele Pelicot, Amanda co-founded #EndEyeCheck with Zoe Watts, another survivor of spousal rape. The campaign targets a system that enables men to drug and rape their partners. Their website states: 'An online academy is training men how to drug and rape their wives. We're two survivors and we're taking on the system that enables it.'
