A married father of two has written to agony aunt Coleen, confessing he has developed strong feelings for a woman he met through work. Despite loving his wife and children unconditionally, he finds himself increasingly attracted to a female colleague with whom he is working closely on a project.
The Confession
The man, who has been with his wife for a decade, describes the connection as immediate and intense. "I can't explain it, but we just click and it feels like I've known her forever," he writes. He admits the physical attraction is powerful, and they get along exceptionally well. The excitement of discovering more about her reminds him of the early days with his wife, leaving him confused and guilty.
He emphasizes that he never expected this to happen and is not a cheater, but the feelings are making him question his marriage. "I know how lucky I am to have my wife – she's a total knockout and a lovely person, not to mention a great mum," he says. "Why can't I get this other woman out of my head? Should I take these feelings seriously or try to ignore them?"
Coleen's Advice
Coleen responds by labeling the situation a crush or infatuation – a strong physical and emotional attraction that should not be mistaken for love. She reassures him that it is normal to be attracted to others even in a happy relationship, and it is not a sign to end his marriage.
Her primary advice is to back away from the coworker. "I realise you have to work together for the moment, but you don't have to engage outside of work," she writes. "That means no coffee dates, no lunches, no drinks on the way home and no texts or emails that don't concern work."
Focus on the Marriage
Coleen urges him to commit his time and energy to his marriage, predicting that the feelings for the other woman will fade. She advises him to remind himself of the life he has built with his wife – their family, home, and shared experiences. "Then ask yourself why you'd risk it for an office romance with a woman you barely know," she adds. "Remind yourself of what you have to lose, which is a lot. Imagine telling your wife about this woman and that you're leaving. Give yourself a reality check."
She acknowledges that long-term relationships can become dull or rut-like, but insists it is up to him to put effort into staying connected. If he misses romance or intimacy, he should take action to create excitement within his marriage rather than seeking it elsewhere.
