Daily Star agony aunt Jane O'Gorman has offered straight-talking advice to readers facing relationship dilemmas, including a woman tormented by her boyfriend and a man feeling used by his girlfriend.
Mind games and cruelty
A female reader wrote to Jane explaining that her boyfriend 'plays with my mind' and seems to deliberately drive her insane. He winds her up, does things he knows she hates, and laughs when she reacts. Her friend describes him as 'the cruellest person she's ever met'.
Despite repeatedly asking him not to vape in the flat because it makes her feel sick, he regularly looks her in the eye and puffs on a fruity e-cigarette in front of her. He also flips open his laptop and turns on porn whenever she walks into a room.
Sex party demand
The latest issue is his demand for a sex party with two of his 'most revolting mates' and a sex worker. He claims this is a relationship breaker: if she refuses to join in, he will leave her. She hates his mates, who are 'unwashed, tricky' and make her uncomfortable, and sees no reason to pay for sex with another woman.
When she complains, he says: 'What are you going to do about it?' She wonders if he wants to spend the rest of his life with her at all, describing their relationship as 'drowning in quicksand'.
Jane's advice
Jane says if the man is too cowardly to admit his feelings have changed, she needs to take the upper hand and end the relationship. She acknowledges it is humiliating, terrifying and inconvenient to be suddenly alone, but says the man clearly doesn't care about her mental health or safety, so she must put herself first.
Jane suspects the man wants the relationship to end but lacks the courage to say goodbye. Instead, he chips away at her confidence and patience, hoping she will blow her top and leave. Jane calls the sex party demand 'the final straw' and a 'deliberate attempt at provocation'. She advises turning to trusted friends and family for support, noting her oldest friend can see him for 'the creep he is'.
Freeloading girlfriend
Another reader asked Jane whether he is being unreasonable for accusing his girlfriend of using him. She only sees him when it suits her, wanting his hot showers, fresh food and comfy bed. She loves to travel but crashes at his place when funds run low. When he accuses her of using him, she makes out he is unreasonable and mean.
Jane says unconventional arrangements can work for some people, but if he doesn't like how his on/off girlfriend treats him, he must tell her 'no more'. She views his home as her refuge, but if she isn't paying her way, respecting his wishes or making him happy, she will have to make alternative arrangements. Jane adds she can't believe the girlfriend is still getting away with it.
